Here's some tell-tale signs of how to know when someone you love is on crack.
Things to look for:
Do you find them just laying on the floor of your favorite ice cream parlors?
Does their hair get progressively more orange as it moves away from their scalp?
Are they singing and dancing in small graveyards?
Do they share a 40oz in said graveyard utilizing 8oz clear plastic cups only to pour the malt liquor upon the graves of those they've lost, or just any random grave?
Do they show signs of unwarranted euphoria (read waving their arms in the air like they just don't care out the window of a car that is parked)?
Do they know someone named Ray-Ray who was a victim of some "merkin'"?
Do they pontificate upon a song in which the author of the lyrics asks her alleged cheating boyfriend if she can "Smell Yo' Dick"? Or, does she ask her boyfriend to smell his dick, really on any occasion?
Have they ever spawned something as retched as that little girl? Or, are they that little girl?
Do "ground rainbows" scare them?
If you answered yes to any of these questions, or if you've actually just witnessed the person hitting some crack out of a glass tube, than you may have a crack head on your hands. Not much else to do but break out the video camera.
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