Coffee Shop Ramblings

A new feature. And maybe one that I'll do more than once. Coffee shop Ramblings. Here I am, a commuting college student. There's no way I'm driving an hour home after just getting up here an hour ago so that I can drive an hour back here to go to work 5 hours from now. Fuck that. So that leaves me here. In this fucking shitty university coffee shop. It's got a Starbucks, some Apple computers to get on, a stage that is never used, a pool table, and it's newest feature: construction next door. Each ramble I plan on attaching a cell phone camera taken picture, and a lengthy diatribe in which I'll continue to hate everyone around me.

Last week I showed you what very well may have been Chris Chandler's brother. Today, I plan on talking about this annoying fucking douchebag playing pool with this clearly gay kid. This kid doesn't shut the fuck up. I'm pretty sure he thinks he's being funny saying things in weird voices and bouncing around the table, but he's fucking annoying. He's doing his best to impress this girl that obviously came with the gay kid. She's not really into pool, and you can tell by the glazed look on her face that she knows she's destined to end up with a tool like this kid because she chose to go to this craptacular state school. And how is he trying to impress her? Pretending he's some phenomenal pool shark, and making many, many references to his balls like it's some hilarious innuendo because they're called "pool balls". That'll work. If there's one thing women like it's when you talk about your balls, and make gestures about them. Oh, and how did Shallow Gene-Pool-Shark Hal get here? By riding on his fucking Razor scooter. I'm not kidding. Who even rides fucking Razor scooters that isn't in 2nd grade or some faggy hipster trying to be ironic. I remember when people thought that these scooters were the shit. My grandma bought all of her grandchildren one. The problem was that the age span between all the grandchildren was like 5-20. I told my grandma this shit was lame, and then I tried to do a handle-bar spin while I made a jump off the curb. And if this other kid isn't a gay than I don't know what is. He's wearing a fucking pink polo, and what looks like some type of moccasin/loafer thing. Like some metro-sexual fucking native American named Arrow That Shoots Both Ways crafted these shoes while on peyote induced vision quest that he took back when he thought that he might go to community college for interior design. Soundtrack by Tangerine Dream.