The Slap Chop. No, this isn't going to be another review of a Vince Offer product. I still can't see the need to actually purchase a Slap Chop when I have a knife and more than 5 seconds to get my meals prepared. Instead, here's a musical remix of the Slap Chop commercial. I don't know why someone made it, but let's not question it. Let's just enjoy it.
If Pandemic II caught your attention, but took too long to play than you might prefer this game where you just go around and sneeze swine flu on people to try and start a sneezing chain reaction. I got to level 10 but couldn't get 80% of the people infected. So, have fun.
2 down, and 3 unimportant ones left. Seriously, intro to archaeology? Fuck you. So I guess my MIA stint has gone...well, MIA. So, because my brain is still scrambled from the physics exam and cause I'm working on 2 hours of sleep, let's just look at some random nonsensical shit. No real trend. Just things you should watch at sometime in your life.
India is fucking hilarious.
Haha, fucking Mom pants. Get on the internet you fucking cunt!
Haha, HOMO!
I dunno who the fuck this kid is, but I wanna punch him. Directly in the side of the head so I can see the face he makes when he gets a contusion. "You shouldn't be mean to a kid..." hahaha.
Everybody's gotta have goals. I wanna start a new phrase. I wanna work "__ Mickey Rourked it" into conversation. The ___ of course would be filled with a proper noun or pronoun.
He Mickey Rourked it You Mickey Rourked that test My dog Simba Mickey Rourked that other dog's face
So what does it mean when somebody Mickey Rourkes something? Not entirely sure yet, but I don't see why it can't have multiple definitions like
1. To fuck something up (like he did with his face) 2. To unexpectedly do a good job. Cause Mickey Rourke was practically dead for 15 years and then he came back with Sin City and The Wrestler and now he's winning awards again.
So I checked the only definition source that matters, urbandictionary.com, and aside from one definition describing his plastic surgery fuck up (kinda the same idea I had going), there's only one other definition for a Mickey Rourke. Something about shooting sperm all over someone's pubic hair, or putting your ass hair on someone's face. Meh, it's pretty weak. So what say we add the NEW definition of Mickey Rourke to the site?
I'm gonna sit on it for a bit, and see if I still think it's a good idea in a few hours when I'm not so tired and my ass isn't so sore from Finals. So for now it's just on my list of Things To Do.
It's finals week. I got one down and four to go, so don't expect too much new shit out of me. I'll catch up by the end of the week. In the meantime, and in light of the new Swine Flu (Jersey, you better keep your goddamn swine flu to yourself. You already gave PA herpes, we don't need that too), here's a fun way to be less productive that'll probably keep you occupied at least until the end of the week. Go play Pandemic II, make your own disease, and have fun killing off the whole human race. Good luck getting Madagascar though. Goddamn Madagascar.
What may be one of the most epic songs ever to grace a soundtrack, Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone sometimes isn't even powerful enough to convey a certain magnitude of greatness. These are but a few of such instances in which Not Even Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone is epic enough.
Not even Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone could harness the intensity of Dr. Shine and Dee-Dee. So they opted for an extended instrumental version of Van Halen's Right Now.
Not even Kenny Loggins' Danger Zone could express the bad-assidness needed for this group of hero's entrance theme.
I'll make more "NEKLDZ" posts as I find things worthy of the title.
Break Out is always a good fall back for those times when you can't just go crank one out. But instead of the normal Break Out, how about playing on the
You can also find the smallest Pac Man, Asteroids, Pong, Tic Tac Toe, some game called Footy that's like air hockey, a slot machine called Fruity, a game called Arena that I have no idea what you do, a playable piano, a drum machine, Space Invaders, a Maze, F1 Racing which is impossible, Simon, a game called Life that I have no idea what's going on, and Pin Ball there.
To switch games hit the escape button, and then follow the directions from there.
First off, let me set the mood. Go ahead and play this track for the duration.
There, that's better.
Ok, so what we got here is the religious leader of a small church from Kansas (ie the dick caught in the zipper below the bible-belt). I'm sure it's not the first time you've heard of these folks, you know, the ones that have all the creative signs that says "God Hates Fags" and "Thank God for AIDS". Well apparently they thought people mourning the death of their relative who was a brave soldier defending the very freedoms these people are, well, I'd hate to say practicing when it's more like abusing. These people are so offensive it's even pissing off the folks at Fox News (who are of course largely conservative, and Christian). It's people like this that keep me out of religion all together.
Everyday children die of horrible diseases, good hard-working Americans get laid off from their jobs sometimes turning them homeless, great mothers and fathers are taken away from their kids due to freak accidents, and the Pittsburgh Penguins are currently beating the Philadelphia Flyers in the NHL playoffs. But for some reason or another, people like that are allowed to live. Life is crazy.
It should come as no surprise to learn that I hate hipsters. I mean, I hate douche bags, I hate scene kids, and I hate teenagers, so when you put them all together you kinda just end up with Hipsters. I hate that there's even a name for the group of people. There's a lot of different types of hipsters, but they all share the common trait of being obnoxious, and taking the idea of "ironic is cool" too far. I'm not about to pontificate about their existence as that would just be cattle prodding a dead horse, so instead here's two websites that do a really good job at mocking their culture. I only fear that mocking their culture will inherently make it cooler for them. God damn hipsters.
Mega Man is easily one of the best franchise games in the history of all video games, and also one of the toughest of the earlier Nintendo games. The 8-bit blue bomber seems to always play 3rd fiddle behind other Nintendo greats such as Link and Mario, but that's never stopped the flow of Mega man inspired art, especially in the realm of music. Sure Mario's theme might be more memorable, but, while designing Mega Man, Capcom decided to go for more badass themes to each level, further propelling the game into the ranks of video game greatness. On the topic of Mega Man music, here's a few clips of various Mega Man inspired songs.
And finally, Mega Man's music is so baller that even Jay-Z's rapping sounds good over it. Don't believe me? Listen to this:
That's right, amateur hour. Time for any and all able or otherwise beings to get up on the mic and sing one we all know. That is, until they butcher it. I'm feeling some, hmmm, Mariah Carey? You, Korean boy. Amuse me with your vocal talents.
King Wigga, Eminem, has released a new music video, I'd post it on the site but I don't want to take up valuable bandwidth. So here's a link to it. And in case anyone was still wondering, or had any bit of doubt, the answer is yes, Eminem still does suck. Eminem sucks so bad he made me hate Toy Soldiers by Martika MORE. I mean, without some white guy rapping poorly about some meaningless bullshit, that song fucking blows hairy trannies. The children singing in the chorus, the high-pitched screeches at the end that she considers soulful arpeggios, the whole thing just reeks of shit I never want to hear again. Perfect for an Eminem song. And how exactly did using a sample of that song help his street cred?
Wiggaz, wiggers, crackers, honkies, whatever you call 'em, they're funny. Some people don't believe in the idea of acting "black", and I can agree. So then what should you call what these white kids are doin? Acting ghetto? Acting hood? Or acting like a dipshit? There's just something about a white guy in "gangsta" attire that's just not right. In fact, it's Lulz worthy. Hence, LOLWigger.com. Go there, and laugh at the crazy white kids who think they're really hood. Because that's why they've been put on this Earth. I'm not saying white people can't listen to rap, or can't rap. Nor am I saying that environment doesn't influence the way someone acts or dresses. But the kids on that site look ridiculous, and deserve to be mocked for their poor life choices. Especially this kid:
After a little bit of research I've found that Google is an extremely effective search engine that excels at organizing and indexing information. Many people have been using Google to it's fullest potential, excuse me, it's fullest legal potential by utilizing some script that tells Google exactly what to find. Did you know that some security/web cameras aren't protected? And by protected I mean you can have access to what their cameras are seeing, and you have the ability to move them around. Well it was news to me. Here's what you do:
Step 1: Go to Google (duh) Step 2: Within the search box paste this script- inurl:"viewerframe?mode=refresh" including all the quotes. Step 3: Hit search, and just start clicking some of the results, not including the ones that are just going to link you to another website telling you about that Google "secret". Eventually you'll find a result that puts a camera control panel on the left of your screen, and you'll be seeing through the eyes of a security cam in the center of your screen. Sometimes you see people, sometimes you see foreign landscapes, and sometimes you don't know what you're looking at.
It's pretty cool for a little, but by far my favorite (read most exploited) secret script is the one that allows you to download mp3s for FREE via other peoples files. No you're not hacking anyone's computer, and no you're not (technically) downloading anything illegally. All you're doing is finding files online that people haven't "secured" and downloading them. I've already saved about $100 by simply finding these steps:
Step 1: Go to Google Step 2: Type the following script into the search field- "intitle:index of" mp3 Except inbetween the of" and the mp3 you should be typing the name of the band, song, or album that you're looking for. For instance: "intitle:index of" Jesu mp3. It's not 100% successful, and some of your more obscure albums might not be found, but I've had about 70% success results. Step 3: When you click on one of the results you should be met with a page that says "Index of suchandsuch", that'll look like this link- Click Here. As you can see, it's a nice index of mp3's. All you gotta do is right click whatever song you want (I recommend Silver), and click save link as. When the save screen comes up it should say that the file will be an mp3, or MPEG layer 3 audio file. If it doesn't, than you gotta go back fishing for files. If it does, than just save it wherever you save your music (ie My Music). That's it.
*Note: From my understanding this is not illegal, it is just using Google to it's fullest potential and exploiting it's ability organize information. If for some reason it is illegal and you get in trouble it's not my fault. Using any of those links will be done so at your own risk, and I can't be held responsible for any trouble legal or otherwise that you might get into. With that being said, these "scripts" are found ALL OVER the internet. Youtube features videos where these secrets are displayed for you to see how they work. And there's even websites dedicated to this information, namely my source for the information I just posted www.informationleak.net. For any questions, concerns, or more internet "secrets" go to that website and pick their brains because honestly I have no idea how or why they work. I'm not that computer savvy. But most of all, enjoy!
Diamond Dave aka David Lee Roth aka the only singer in Van Halen that ever mattered (that's right Sammy Hagar. You suck) was well known for his theatrics on stage, and his animated singing style. A singing style that includes random yelps and hollers. In the context of the music it may just sound like he's adding a vocal element to the song, but out of context he sounds like a lunatic.
Hopefully the assholes that keep silencing YouTube vidoes that feature music won't get to FunnyOrDie anytime soon. Money hungry assholes.
I've only just begun my journey as an adult. I can join the Army, buy cigarettes, buy alcohol, vote, and do all those other things that are considered aging milestones when you're young. The only thing I have left is to turn 25 so I can finally rent a car. Woohoo. So now that I'm out of the phase of "I'm the center of attention and my life, feelings, and what I have to say are so important" that your teenage years bring, and in the "I'm so smart, and have been through (some) college so I can make assessments of worldy topics" phase that your college years bring, I've found myself hating youth more and more. Not so much because I'm better than them, it's just that now that I've made that transition into a full blown pompous asshole I can easily look back at how fucking annoying teenagers are. With their high school drama, and their "my parents won't let me do this, god I hate them" attitudes, and their shitty culture. God I hate them. I didn't think my "this is what's wrong with the youth of today" stage would come till I was at least 40, but I think just as kids are growing up faster these days, I must have matured faster in that way too. I blame the internet. Sure it's a good source for pornography, videos of people getting hurt, and of course knowledge, but if you think about it the internet is also allowing teenagers to take their self-importance to new levels. Now not only do their classmates have to listen to them rant about homecoming, everyone on youtube, facebook, or myspace can listen to what the little shit is crying about, or why they think they're relevant. Damnit kids, you're not important until you're at least 21. Which is easy for me to say. But I'm sure when I'm 31 I'll be constantly pissed off at teenagers and twenty-somethings. And so on until I'm that old haggard bastard that hates everyone, which might I say I'm looking forward to. So what I've gathered for your viewing discomfort is a collection of evidence. These videos will help prove my point that the internet is to blame for the increase in teenagers skewed sense of self worth. First we'll start with some twat named Fred. I don't know what his deal is. Apparently it's funny to speed up your video and have your voice pitched really high as to make yourself sound more effeminate. I dunno, I could only make it through a couple of seconds before I felt like choking an infant.
Wow. Just wow. I fucking hate him. I hereby sentence him to a 8 car pile up and subsequent car fire for his annoying actions.
Now here's a video of a kid who is pissed off that people think he's Fred. That would make him less important, so he retaliates like any 16 year old would. A shitty "camera held at a 35 degree angle above me while my hand shakes" confessional.
Just looking at him with that stupid fucking hair cut makes me want to banish him to live out his days in a wood chipper. And by days I mean moments until it's turned on.
Now we got some bitch who may or may not be all the rage over at the picture hosting website and known cult gathering of "anons", 4-chan. I haven't the time or capacity to explain the politics of 4-chan or the concept of what goes on beyond all the hentai and random pictures. But there's this girl who calls her self boxy and will make you want to stab your ears with a pen when you hear her talk.
That's just intolerable. But I think the worst thing you could do to her is put her in a room with a dozen guys of the lonelier variety from 4-chan and lock the door.
Damn. He knows I use eyeliner...AIDS, next.
I don't even think these kids are 12, but I'm gonna lump them in here any way. This has to be one of the worse songs I've ever heard. It makes me worry about being a parent because if my kid showed me this music video I think I'd have to tell him it's shit. But what actually happened (after some research I did) was these kids' parents are loaded. So much so that they bought them all those instruments, bought them lessons, payed for this video to be made in which they rented out a music hall, and payed for them to record this shit-tastic song in a studio. And while the kids should have been learning how to play their instruments they were instead sneaking away to play video games. Which is evident in this video because the noise they make (especially the singing) is just ass.
These kids suck hard. What's worse is the one kid's mom wrote half the lyrics to that song because the kids were too busy playing playstation in their fucking limo to be bothered working on their band. I know, I know, the kids are young. Well their parents shouldn't be helping them solicit crap. The kids need to learn discipline and the hardships of making it as a band, not to have mommy and daddy buy all their shit for them. But nevertheless I hate the lead singers face, so I hereby sentence them to open for Cannibal Corpse.
I don't know who this kid is, but he reminds me of that shit fucker fred. So he should be harpooned too.
"But he's just out having fun Archidoucheis. Why are you so negative?"
That's why.
I could go on and on, but I can't stand to watch anymore shit-drenched videos from the youth of today. Nor do I feel like giving some big summary of how much they suck. I covered that. So, in short, we're doomed. So here's some music to meditate to.
Over the past thousands of year man has evolved from it's ancestor into an upright walking, higher thought processing, social creature. We have since conquered Terra firma, sailed the seas, and even became proficient in flight. As we look into the beyond above, we see what seems to be an endless black. An abyss. What may be the final hardship of man would be space colonization. But as Kubric's 2001 A Space Odyssey cryptically displayed to us, to be the masters of space we must first relearn how to be man. Tasks as rudimentary as eating, walking, and breathing become life functions that must be processed by us like when we were infants. And with man being the dominant creature on Earth, and likely the first to conquer space, it becomes that much more inspirational when a creature of lesser descent looks to the heavens. And that creature, is SpaceBat.
It was a clear evening that Wednesday night in Florida. The flight team prepared themselves for the journey they were about to embark on. They had been training for months. Yet as the shuttle readied itself, NASA noticed an object attached to the external fuel tank. It was a bat. The photos of the creature were later analyzed by experts who said the bat likely had a bad wing, and possibly even a broken arm. When the rockets lit up, and the ship began to rumble, it was expected that the bat would fly away. Instead it held on tighter, and turned to face the skies above. The countdown reached 1 and lift off began. Again, NASA believed the bat would likely release it's grip and fly to safety. But the stubborn bat proved them wrong, and it made the life changing decision that despite a broken wing, despite a useless arm, and despite the fact that it may very well die once ascending to the upper atmosphere, it would fly again. And fly it did. Like a story right out of a Disney movie, the tale of SpaceBat tugs at the heart strings. We can all sympathize with the daring bat who decided that nothing would stop him from living. For even in death, SpaceBat lives. Likely flying around in the dark echo-locating moths to dine upon. Space moths.
We can only hope a new constellation will grace the night sky. It would be somewhat of a bat sign. But, much cooler than the Batman bat signal. Because this one will be calling memories of the bat that actually flew, unlike lame ass Batman who just runs around in a tight suit while not ever flying. The issue is that, as Greek mythology tells us, the constellations were formed when long since dead Hercules threw the objects into space, as can be seen here:
But fret not little one. We will never forget you. Let us bow our heads for a moment of silence. And then rest our sight on the memorial videos made in behalf of the Tadarida brasiliensis cosmonaut.
RIP SpaceBat. You are a hero, and inspiration to all of us. Now lets go buy some merch!
So I've been hearing, er, I guess seeing a lot of this woman. She apparently is well known by everyone, but she's seemingly made it under my radar. I blame it on the fact that I haven't turned on the radio or MTV for more than 20 seconds since 2006. Still though, I'm usually at least a little up to date on what's hip with the kids. Hell, I am only 22. How can I be so disconnected? I've seen pictures of her with her hair up in a bow, and sometimes in some revealing clothing, and would just say to myself "who the fuck are you?". Now that's she's finally made it back from the UK, I thought I'd take the opportunity to get to know her. Ok, I guess I should tell you who I'm talking about. Lady GaGa. Who the fuck is she? Well for those of you like me, who don't know, she's some keyboard fingering, club music playing broad who's fashion sense apparently makes her eccentric and hip. Oh, and the bow in her hair. Yeah she literally turns her hair into a bow.
Here's some of the "art" she produces that gets mass-marketed to the youth of today:
Her musical influences? The typical glorified rock musicians that have since become decorum to be influenced by for hipsters:
Yoko Ono, Elvis, David Bowie, Morrissey, Queen, Robert Smith, Robert Plant, Freddy Mercury, Prince, Rod Stewart, Thomas Dolby, Depeche Mode, The Faint, Radiohead, Beck, Franz Ferdinand, The Cure, Nine Inch Nails, Grace Slick & Jefferson Airplane, Queen, Led Zep, Pink Floyd, Nirvana, Talking Heads,The Scissor Sisters, The Dresden Dolls, Mika, She Wants Revenge, Janis Joplin, Jenny Lewis, Joy Division, New Order, The Killers, Justin Warfield, Chuck Berry, BuckCherry, Billy Idol, White Stripes, Strokes, Blondie, Pat Benetar, Rilo Kiley, Elton John, Jerry-Lee Lewis, John Lennon, The Beatles. Drag queens in general. Jimmy Choo. Hot Groupie chicks. Hairspray *not the musical. Black Eyeliner. Strippers. Sequins. D-I-S-C-O!
Except for the few new day shit can's that she (if she even wrote this) slipped in there like The Scissor Sisters, and Buckcherry. And the lone new-age band that doesn't suck complete donkey balls, Radiohead. And the few inanimate objects she throws in at the end.
So, if it isn't apparently obvious to you, I pretty much think her music blows alligator dick. Yet, a lot of people actually think she's really artistic...and...original...and talented...and...artistic. I mean what the fuck? Look at this shit, and if you can watch if for more than 2 minutes than you are a better man than I, although I think there's some naked lady somewhere in there, so that might be a reason to at least fast-forward through the shit.
Wow. She has self-entitlement written all over her. What a twat, and I say that with all due respect to the vaginae of the world. (I should note here that Mozilla Firefox's spell check told me vaginae was the plural of vagina. The more you know!).
And she really must have slipped under my radar, as apparently this isn't her first appearance. Looks like my attempt to disconnect myself from the dribble of pop-culture has finally payed it's dividends. But at what cost? The only thing I really achieved was a few years of ignorant bliss, only to have a full blown Lady Gaga dump taken on my face all at once. Speaking of female fecal facials, here's Paris Hilton on Lady Gaga. And when I say on I don't mean sexually at all. Otherwise I might have made an STD joke. Instead when I say "on" I mean interviewing, but more figuratively I mean festering next to. Which is where the poop joke and Paris Hilton's lazy eye come in.
There's just something about the way she poses for pictures that makes me want to stab her with a sword that I forged whilst out on a vision quest that was inspired by her music. A vision quest in which I stayed in the woods for 3 months mining iron ore from the ground and than extracted the iron out of it within the furnace I constructed out of skulls. Skulls and rocks, because skulls don't hold up to that intense of heat. A vision quest in which I wore nothing but a loin cloth fabricated out of the pelt of a wolverine that I would have skinned and desecrated to the tune of Gary Glitter's Do You Wanna Touch (because Rock and Roll parts 1 and 2 are too anthemic). A vision quest in which I learned how to speak to rocks, and the rocks told me their secrets, thus alchemy was re-born. A vision quest in which I fasted for 7 days until I saw the Apache warrior who helped me hone my blade into vorpal sharpness. A vision quest in which I enacted the slaying of Lady Gaga daily, soundtrack by Neurosis. But enough about my vision quest. And, for the sake of the children, enough about Lady Gaga. She's a vapid hipster princess that border-lines on scene girl with no fucking talent other than whatever fucking house music pile of fiber-less buffalo dung she "DJ's" and her sense of fashion that really sets her apart from the pack. If by sets her apart from the pack you mean makes her look like someone who utilized a person with no arms or legs wrapped in velcro to pick out her clothing by being thrown into a Salvation Army clothing donation bin, and then fished out whilst stuck to whatever the fuck she was supposed to wear that day. I can just here the clueless masses heralding her accomplishments to my tired ear now. "But Archidoucheis, she's sooo original and talented. She adds art into her music and she's really passionate about it. There's nobody like her out there!"
Two words- My. Ass.
You want to see original? You want to see eccentric? You want to see "nobody like them out there"? Go do some research on G.G Allin. Until then, you should probably shut the fuck up. Who the fuck is Lady Gaga? I don't fucking care anymore.
In these times no one is safe. The economy is struggling, we're still a target for terrorism, good neighborhoods are being infested by criminals, pedophiles are soliciting sex to our children, and My Chemical Romance continues to make music. It's like the monologue Howard Beale (played by Peter Finch) gave from that movie Network:
The only group of people who aren't feeling the hurt are Repo people. As we miss our payments on our houses and our cars the banks send the Repo men out to take the property back. It's an unfortunate fate that no one is safe from, not even a god damn wizard.
That clip comes from TruTV's show Operation Repo. The show's gotten so ridiculous anymore that it's hard to believe that it's not scripted. As soon as they pulled up on the wizard I expected him to start casting spells at them. Something liiiiiike...Magic Missile!
Or even Lighting Bolt!
But instead his fat ass gave up and his princess bitched him out. He should have cast level 20 Balls on himself. As in you're at least 20, grow some balls. Because in these times, you might find your balls is all you have.
Have you ever wondered if your kid was good enough for Hollywood? Or, if you don't have kids, do you ponder if your child will be able to develop the skills necessary to excel in the fast-paced world of commercials? Well, the answer to your questions is YES! Hollywood needs LOTS of children, and any of them can learn if you start them off early. Have a look.
And if they're too dumb for commercials, there's always kiddy por...ahem... never mind. And no you perverts, I don't have a hyperlink for that. Move along FBI Search Bot. The Beast don't roll like that. And kudos to Everything Is Terrible for finding these hilarious videos, and editing the shit out of them.
I'm not here to tell you that your choice of music is wrong, I'm just saying that if you're not listening to these bands than your choice of music is inferior to mine.
First off, I already told you about Rosetta, but if you still haven't checked them out, well I don't know what the fuck you're waiting for. But let me tell you about a few of their sub-genre partners.
Irepress Irepress (pronounced: ear-repress, yes they know it's not a real word) dabble in the world of instrumental post rock, but they pull in musical infulences from many different styles of music. Instrumental rock can be hard to get used to, especially when you're not a musician. Not that musicians are better than anyone, it's just that they generally have more of an ear for music and might be able to appreciate the music on a different level. Irepress have two albums out, Samus Octology, and Sol Eye Sea I. Samus Octology relied on heavy riffage, atmospheric melodies, jazz-like breakdowns, and even a trumpet. Plus, if you time the album correctly it will synch up really well with The Goonies (a band favorite). The new album Sol Eye Sea I pulls in even more musical influence than it's predecessor, calling in some R&B singing stylings (sounds a lot better than it reads), some more keyboard work, and even more odd time signatures. A definite must have for folks who just like to put on some music and space out. Sound Comparison: Pelican goes to Latin America.
Mouth of the Architect Mmm Doomy Post Metal. Look, you're gonna have to deal with all the sub-genres. This is what happens when you step away from MTV music. MotA are currently 3 albums and one split into the game. Each album getting progressively better than the last. Time & Withering was their first album. Not many tracks on it, but it did feature song "The Worm" which is easily one of the best songs the genre has to offer. The Ties that Blind was their follow up, and features more droning that you can shake a heavy stick at. With songs reaching the 13+ minute mark it'll be an album that'll take time to listen to. Their last full length came out last year. Quietly features shorter songs, more singing, and less instrumental jam sessions. The band almost had a falling out when their guitarist and (admitted by the band) key music writer decided he needed to express himself in other ways. So while Quietly might not have as many catchy melodies and tempo changes as the previous albums, it's still great in its own right. Sound Comparison: Cult of Luna with more vocal range.
This Will Destroy You That picture alone, which was featured on their merch, should be enough to get you into this band. Pure instrumental post-rock with expansive, largely distortion free melodies. And the melodies are infectious. TWDY have two full lengths, Young Mountain, and Threads. Each album is a treat with their simple but beautiful music. Another nice thing is that the songs aren't that long, so if you have trouble listening to any song for more than 5 minutes than you're in luck. Otherwise you'll just be putting the albums on repeat. Hell their music has even been featured at the White House in a short film about Katrina. This band might be a good introduction into the instrumental post-rock genre for those of you are not sure about 5 minutes of music with no singing. Sound Comparison A manlier version than fellow Texans Explosions in the Sky, but a less grimey than Mogwai.
Well that's all for now, I don't want to overwhelm you with too many. But you can be sure that The Shit You Should Be Listening To will be a reoccurring post. I consider it a public service.
I may be learned in the field of biology, a major littered with hippies, tree huggers, and PETA activist. But I don't let my constant exposure to animals weaken my sense of badassitry. And trust me when I say this, animals killing animals ist kreig.
In Linnaeus' Systema Naturae he focused on separating all the life of the world into their respective places based on shared features, and with his work we can set up phylogenetic trees. But what are phylogenetic trees if not just big tournament brackets?
So let the badassitry BEGIN! Pigeon, I choose you!
Head bangers in leather Sparks flyin in the dead of the night It all comes together When they turn out the lights 50,000 wats of power And it's pushin' overload The beast is ready to devour All the metal they can hold Rockin' overload Start to explode
It's your one way ticket to midnight Call it Heavy Metal!
Archidoucheis:
"It's legs-and there are ten-
are like great tentacles,
unjointed, and upon it's serpent necks
are borne 5 mandanaed heads like nightmares of ferocity
and triple serried rows of hair and deep
gullets of black death. Half it's length it frolics.
It's heads in the air, outside it's horrid cleft,
hunting the sea around that promontory
for suckle thighs, library hotts, or what bigger game.
Thundering Amphitrite feeds in thousands.
And no ship's company can claim
to have passed it without loss and grief; It takes
from every ship, one hott for every gullet."
It was a bat. The photos of the creature were later analyzed by experts who said the bat likely had a bad wing, and possibly even a broken arm. When the rockets lit up, and the ship began to rumble, it was expected that the bat would fly away. Instead it held on tighter, and turned to face the skies above. The countdown reached 1 and lift off began. Again, NASA believed the bat would likely release it's grip and fly to safety. But the stubborn bat proved them wrong, and it made the life changing decision that despite a broken wing, despite a useless arm, and despite the fact that it may very well die once ascending to the upper atmosphere, it would fly again. And fly it did. Like a story right out of a Disney movie, the tale of SpaceBat tugs at the heart strings. We can all sympathize with the daring bat who decided that nothing would stop him from living. For even in death, SpaceBat lives. Likely flying around in the dark echo-locating moths to dine upon. Space moths. 
Irepress (pronounced: ear-repress, yes they know it's not a real word) dabble in the world of instrumental post rock, but they pull in musical infulences from many different styles of music. Instrumental rock can be hard to get used to, especially when you're not a musician. Not that musicians are better than anyone, it's just that they generally have more of an ear for music and might be able to appreciate the music on a different level. Irepress have two albums out, Samus Octology, and Sol Eye Sea I. Samus Octology relied on heavy riffage, atmospheric melodies, jazz-like breakdowns, and even a trumpet. Plus, if you time the album correctly it will synch up really well with The Goonies (a band favorite). The new album Sol Eye Sea I pulls in even more musical influence than it's predecessor, calling in some R&B singing stylings (sounds a lot better than it reads), some more keyboard work, and even more odd time signatures. A definite must have for folks who just like to put on some music and space out.
Mmm Doomy Post Metal. Look, you're gonna have to deal with all the sub-genres. This is what happens when you step away from MTV music. MotA are currently 3 albums and one split into the game. Each album getting progressively better than the last. Time & Withering was their first album. Not many tracks on it, but it did feature song "The Worm" which is easily one of the best songs the genre has to offer. The Ties that Blind was their follow up, and features more droning that you can shake a heavy stick at. With songs reaching the 13+ minute mark it'll be an album that'll take time to listen to. Their last full length came out last year. Quietly features shorter songs, more singing, and less instrumental jam sessions. The band almost had a falling out when their guitarist and (admitted by the band) key music writer decided he needed to express himself in other ways. So while Quietly might not have as many catchy melodies and tempo changes as the previous albums, it's still great in its own right. 
