I Hate Teenagers

I've only just begun my journey as an adult. I can join the Army, buy cigarettes, buy alcohol, vote, and do all those other things that are considered aging milestones when you're young. The only thing I have left is to turn 25 so I can finally rent a car. Woohoo. So now that I'm out of the phase of "I'm the center of attention and my life, feelings, and what I have to say are so important" that your teenage years bring, and in the "I'm so smart, and have been through (some) college so I can make assessments of worldy topics" phase that your college years bring, I've found myself hating youth more and more. Not so much because I'm better than them, it's just that now that I've made that transition into a full blown pompous asshole I can easily look back at how fucking annoying teenagers are. With their high school drama, and their "my parents won't let me do this, god I hate them" attitudes, and their shitty culture. God I hate them.
I didn't think my "this is what's wrong with the youth of today" stage would come till I was at least 40, but I think just as kids are growing up faster these days, I must have matured faster in that way too. I blame the internet. Sure it's a good source for pornography, videos of people getting hurt, and of course knowledge, but if you think about it the internet is also allowing teenagers to take their self-importance to new levels. Now not only do their classmates have to listen to them rant about homecoming, everyone on youtube, facebook, or myspace can listen to what the little shit is crying about, or why they think they're relevant. Damnit kids, you're not important until you're at least 21. Which is easy for me to say. But I'm sure when I'm 31 I'll be constantly pissed off at teenagers and twenty-somethings. And so on until I'm that old haggard bastard that hates everyone, which might I say I'm looking forward to.
So what I've gathered for your viewing discomfort is a collection of evidence. These videos will help prove my point that the internet is to blame for the increase in teenagers skewed sense of self worth.
First we'll start with some twat named Fred. I don't know what his deal is. Apparently it's funny to speed up your video and have your voice pitched really high as to make yourself sound more effeminate. I dunno, I could only make it through a couple of seconds before I felt like choking an infant.



Wow. Just wow. I fucking hate him. I hereby sentence him to a 8 car pile up and subsequent car fire for his annoying actions.

Now here's a video of a kid who is pissed off that people think he's Fred. That would make him less important, so he retaliates like any 16 year old would. A shitty "camera held at a 35 degree angle above me while my hand shakes" confessional.


Just looking at him with that stupid fucking hair cut makes me want to banish him to live out his days in a wood chipper. And by days I mean moments until it's turned on.

Now we got some bitch who may or may not be all the rage over at the picture hosting website and known cult gathering of "anons", 4-chan. I haven't the time or capacity to explain the politics of 4-chan or the concept of what goes on beyond all the hentai and random pictures. But there's this girl who calls her self boxy and will make you want to stab your ears with a pen when you hear her talk.





That's just intolerable. But I think the worst thing you could do to her is put her in a room with a dozen guys of the lonelier variety from 4-chan and lock the door.



Damn. He knows I use eyeliner...AIDS, next.

I don't even think these kids are 12, but I'm gonna lump them in here any way. This has to be one of the worse songs I've ever heard. It makes me worry about being a parent because if my kid showed me this music video I think I'd have to tell him it's shit. But what actually happened (after some research I did) was these kids' parents are loaded. So much so that they bought them all those instruments, bought them lessons, payed for this video to be made in which they rented out a music hall, and payed for them to record this shit-tastic song in a studio. And while the kids should have been learning how to play their instruments they were instead sneaking away to play video games. Which is evident in this video because the noise they make (especially the singing) is just ass.

These kids suck hard. What's worse is the one kid's mom wrote half the lyrics to that song because the kids were too busy playing playstation in their fucking limo to be bothered working on their band. I know, I know, the kids are young. Well their parents shouldn't be helping them solicit crap. The kids need to learn discipline and the hardships of making it as a band, not to have mommy and daddy buy all their shit for them. But nevertheless I hate the lead singers face, so I hereby sentence them to open for Cannibal Corpse.

I don't know who this kid is, but he reminds me of that shit fucker fred. So he should be harpooned too.


"But he's just out having fun Archidoucheis. Why are you so negative?"



That's why.

I could go on and on, but I can't stand to watch anymore shit-drenched videos from the youth of today. Nor do I feel like giving some big summary of how much they suck. I covered that. So, in short, we're doomed. So here's some music to meditate to.