I'm not really going to spout off a lengthy diatribe this post. I just wanted to say that you may have found a girl. Her name may be J'Koko. But if you thought singing this horribly written song would win her over Roy-Ale, than what you thought was wrong.
Dogs wouldn't fuck to this song. That is all. (I'll have a longer post tomorrow. Whether you like it or not.)
Wednesday, August 19, 2009
Tuesday, August 18, 2009
What You Thought Was Wrong
Tonight I'd like to start a likely week-long series of posts under the headline of what you thought was wrong.
What does that mean? What will it entail? Who are you talking about?
Well shut the fuck up and you might learn something bitch.
All this week, I will be making posts that literally tear away at the very ideas that some people hold near and dear to their hearts. Why? Not only am I an asshole, but I'm an asshole that has many educated opinions. And I'm not saying that I'm right cause I'm a college student. That would be beyond douchebaggery. I'm just saying that what you thought was right, is actually wrong.
Gee, where should I start? Oh, I know! Creationism. Let's watch a wonderful little film about the Creationism Museum in Cincinnati Ohio!
Those poor kids don't even stand a chance. Damn the school systems for teaching us to think like evolutionist (a made up word that tries to tie science and the theories of evolution all together as if they were in themselves some form of practiced religion; it's a bit of a tactic creationist use to try and level the playing field because, well, they don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about). How dare the science teachers tell use that in order to find out the answers we must experiment and research the topic. Why would we want them to know that?
And does anyone else find it disturbing that the education these kids are getting from their homeschool homemade brainwashing is treated as being the equivalent of what all us normal thinking people receive? All those fuckers have to do is write "God did/said/made/wanted it" on their tests and they'd get an "A" in class. That's just utter bullshit. I sincerely hope no college takes these kids in because of how well they did in homeschool. Or don't weigh their experience any higher than that of a non-religious fundamentalist education. The college should be able to know that these kids learned about science by going to that fucking museum and instantly know they are dealing with poor little brainwashed dipshits. Yes, dipshits. They are literally making those kids stupider. And I'm not entirely sure how their brains don't just automatically shut off when they are told that dinosaurs used to live with fucking humans. The kids of course never had an opportunity to learn anything else otherwise, but the parents are different. As an adult, you should know how to filter information appropriately, and when someone tells you that your ancestors used to hang out with dinosaurs like they were the fucking Flintstones, your brain should just send a painful signal to all of your nerves as a means of saying NO. It's unbelievable that in this day and age, with the technological breakthroughs and discoveries we've made, that anyone who isn't mentally disabled would think that way. That they'd look at an accredited science book, written by people who've dedicated their lives to nothing more than passing on information gathered from decades of science, that says "dinosaurs came before humans and here's how we know this" and think their wrong. Then they listen to those assholes at the museum say the Earth is 10 thousand years old and dinosaurs roamed the Earth with humans and we know this cause God is wonderful, and they think to themselves "Now this is a theory I can accept".
Creationist. Substantiate your claims with evidence gathered using a specified methodology and I'll consider your argument. Oh wait, you can't because reading the Bible is not the same as doing science. I guess you need to just shut the fuck up because what you thought was wrong.
What does that mean? What will it entail? Who are you talking about?
Well shut the fuck up and you might learn something bitch.
All this week, I will be making posts that literally tear away at the very ideas that some people hold near and dear to their hearts. Why? Not only am I an asshole, but I'm an asshole that has many educated opinions. And I'm not saying that I'm right cause I'm a college student. That would be beyond douchebaggery. I'm just saying that what you thought was right, is actually wrong.
Gee, where should I start? Oh, I know! Creationism. Let's watch a wonderful little film about the Creationism Museum in Cincinnati Ohio!
Those poor kids don't even stand a chance. Damn the school systems for teaching us to think like evolutionist (a made up word that tries to tie science and the theories of evolution all together as if they were in themselves some form of practiced religion; it's a bit of a tactic creationist use to try and level the playing field because, well, they don't have a fucking clue what they're talking about). How dare the science teachers tell use that in order to find out the answers we must experiment and research the topic. Why would we want them to know that?
And does anyone else find it disturbing that the education these kids are getting from their homeschool homemade brainwashing is treated as being the equivalent of what all us normal thinking people receive? All those fuckers have to do is write "God did/said/made/wanted it" on their tests and they'd get an "A" in class. That's just utter bullshit. I sincerely hope no college takes these kids in because of how well they did in homeschool. Or don't weigh their experience any higher than that of a non-religious fundamentalist education. The college should be able to know that these kids learned about science by going to that fucking museum and instantly know they are dealing with poor little brainwashed dipshits. Yes, dipshits. They are literally making those kids stupider. And I'm not entirely sure how their brains don't just automatically shut off when they are told that dinosaurs used to live with fucking humans. The kids of course never had an opportunity to learn anything else otherwise, but the parents are different. As an adult, you should know how to filter information appropriately, and when someone tells you that your ancestors used to hang out with dinosaurs like they were the fucking Flintstones, your brain should just send a painful signal to all of your nerves as a means of saying NO. It's unbelievable that in this day and age, with the technological breakthroughs and discoveries we've made, that anyone who isn't mentally disabled would think that way. That they'd look at an accredited science book, written by people who've dedicated their lives to nothing more than passing on information gathered from decades of science, that says "dinosaurs came before humans and here's how we know this" and think their wrong. Then they listen to those assholes at the museum say the Earth is 10 thousand years old and dinosaurs roamed the Earth with humans and we know this cause God is wonderful, and they think to themselves "Now this is a theory I can accept".
Creationist. Substantiate your claims with evidence gathered using a specified methodology and I'll consider your argument. Oh wait, you can't because reading the Bible is not the same as doing science. I guess you need to just shut the fuck up because what you thought was wrong.
Friday, August 14, 2009
Who The Fuck Are You? Pt II
Not too long ago some asshole asked me what I think of Asher Roth. Fuck him was my initial thought, but then I asked myself who the fuck Asher Roth is. I asked myself because I was the asshole who asked myself what I thought of Asher Roth when I heard about 5 seconds of his incredibly shitty rap song "I Love College" and my day went from dog shit to dog shit during heat wave. Most of my friends don't really ask me what I think about certain songs anymore anyway because they know my response is likely to be Fuck You Fuck Them Fuck That Yaknowhadimean?
If you don't know who the fuck Asher Roth is than just stop reading. Consider yourself lucky. And go look at the Belly archives for my recommendations of shit you should be listening to. If you wanna know who he is, or if you know who he is and just want a refreshment as to why I feel like I should hit him on the side of his head with the corpse of a rotting porcupine, than click here. I don't even want to embed that shit onto my blog, even if the embed function wasn't disabled on youtube. Fuck that. I don't ever want to hear more than 10 seconds of that song again. I tried to watch the whole video, so I could gain an understanding as to why someone would like that shit. I tried to watch the whole video so that I could find different aspects of Asher Roth that I particularly hate. But I couldn't. He just blows burrow boner.
I mean look at this fucking waste of life. How many dickfaces are going to wear the Animal House "College" shirt before it publicly becomes unpopular? I wasn't even born when the movie came out and I already think that shit is lame and played out. And I don't even give a shit about the controversy of the song where he talks about getting girls naked or some shit. You know what? For every dumb, drunk, guy at any given college, there's a dumb, drunk female that he's trying to get naked at any given moment. It's a guarantee. Men want to have sex with many women to display their manliness, and there's plenty of women in well established cliques that (usually subconsciously) try to one up each other by having the most amount of men attracted to them. Sometimes with no remorse or respect for themselves (read: whoring themselves out by getting naked at any and all parties). This isn't news. It's been going on since college was invented. When the group of people that got together to think of a higher education granting establishment in which people could become more knowledgeable within a certain field, that same fucking day, they came up with the ratio of naked women to cheering men. And it was good. That's the fucking story. So don't go "aww" when someone says they like to go to college parties and get girls naked. They generally have no respect for those women who have no respect for themselves. But it's natural. Women get naked, and guys do stupid things like light their pants on fire or try to headbutt through their roommate's door to see if he's having sex in there. But what the fuck am I talking about? This entry's about that asshole Asher Roth. Just look at him. I only need to see that picture to know that his music sucks raw and rabid wildebeest cock.
And he was signed by Eminem. Like that hack knows anything about fucking talent. That guy couldn't wrap a present. Ah thank you very much.
I actually heard the name Asher Roth before I even heard his song. And I knew that he would piss me off. His name is Asher. Who the fuck names their kid Asher? When the one parent said to the other "Let's name our kid Asher", the other parent should of been like "Uhh, let's have a fucking abortion. I can't do that to the world. I can't bring a kid into the world named Asher. He'll immediately have some type of unwarranted self-entitlement with a name like that and I just know he'll go on and make shitty music."
I don't even care that the fucker wants to rap. I don't care about the "act your own race" shit. Just have some ounce of fucking talent you genital wart. But yeah, at first I thought Asher Roth was Kevin Rudolf. I saw Kevin Rudolf perform on some nighttime talk show and I thought to myself "Surely this must be the asshole named Asher". I didn't know cause I don't listen to the radio much anymore. I tried it the other day, and then fucking Lady Gaga came on and I freaked out and drove up on the sidewalk and hit a lady pushing a stroller. Kevin Rudolf, if you don't know, is some other cocksucker that does that song "Let it Rock". For some reason or another Lil Wayne is featured all through out the music video, which you can see if you click here. Yeah it's another major music label that wants people to watch the music videos but doesn't want people to embed them anywhere. Like that makes any fucking sense. So you can imagine the look on my face when I found out that Kevin Rudolf was indeed NOT Asher Roth. Fuck me. You mean there's two assholes making shitty music like this? Actually I wasn't that surprised. I was more disappointed than anything. I was also disappointed to see Lil' Wayne in the video. What the fuck is Weezy doing with that shitty white guy singing a faggy rock/dance song? Did Lil' Wayne just throw up some horns? Does he think he's being "metal". Fuck. Well I've lost respect for him. And if either Asher Roth or Kevin Rudolf make a guest appearance on The Carter 8 or 9 or whatever number he's up to than I will have lost all respect from him and crown him whiter than Snow. This Snow from the 90's:
Look, white boys. If you're gonna rap that's fine. But you have to work at it. You can't just get on a mic and expect that you're awesome. You have no street cred. Even if you grew up in Detroit and had to kill a man once on the way to school, you will never be seen as a gangster. Black guys, they can name themselves what ever fucked up vowel-less name they want to and rap about their crabs. It doesn't matter. You can't. If you need an example, look no further than other noted Canadian rapping talent, Chuggo.
I put mayonnaise on everything, that's how I eat.
Now THAT'S real-talk. You think Chuggo would rap about college? Even if he had gone to college, Chuggo would immediately know that rapping about college is lame. Asher Roth. Come on fucking guy. Who the fuck are you?
If you don't know who the fuck Asher Roth is than just stop reading. Consider yourself lucky. And go look at the Belly archives for my recommendations of shit you should be listening to. If you wanna know who he is, or if you know who he is and just want a refreshment as to why I feel like I should hit him on the side of his head with the corpse of a rotting porcupine, than click here. I don't even want to embed that shit onto my blog, even if the embed function wasn't disabled on youtube. Fuck that. I don't ever want to hear more than 10 seconds of that song again. I tried to watch the whole video, so I could gain an understanding as to why someone would like that shit. I tried to watch the whole video so that I could find different aspects of Asher Roth that I particularly hate. But I couldn't. He just blows burrow boner.
I mean look at this fucking waste of life. How many dickfaces are going to wear the Animal House "College" shirt before it publicly becomes unpopular? I wasn't even born when the movie came out and I already think that shit is lame and played out. And I don't even give a shit about the controversy of the song where he talks about getting girls naked or some shit. You know what? For every dumb, drunk, guy at any given college, there's a dumb, drunk female that he's trying to get naked at any given moment. It's a guarantee. Men want to have sex with many women to display their manliness, and there's plenty of women in well established cliques that (usually subconsciously) try to one up each other by having the most amount of men attracted to them. Sometimes with no remorse or respect for themselves (read: whoring themselves out by getting naked at any and all parties). This isn't news. It's been going on since college was invented. When the group of people that got together to think of a higher education granting establishment in which people could become more knowledgeable within a certain field, that same fucking day, they came up with the ratio of naked women to cheering men. And it was good. That's the fucking story. So don't go "aww" when someone says they like to go to college parties and get girls naked. They generally have no respect for those women who have no respect for themselves. But it's natural. Women get naked, and guys do stupid things like light their pants on fire or try to headbutt through their roommate's door to see if he's having sex in there. But what the fuck am I talking about? This entry's about that asshole Asher Roth. Just look at him. I only need to see that picture to know that his music sucks raw and rabid wildebeest cock.
And he was signed by Eminem. Like that hack knows anything about fucking talent. That guy couldn't wrap a present. Ah thank you very much.
I actually heard the name Asher Roth before I even heard his song. And I knew that he would piss me off. His name is Asher. Who the fuck names their kid Asher? When the one parent said to the other "Let's name our kid Asher", the other parent should of been like "Uhh, let's have a fucking abortion. I can't do that to the world. I can't bring a kid into the world named Asher. He'll immediately have some type of unwarranted self-entitlement with a name like that and I just know he'll go on and make shitty music."
I don't even care that the fucker wants to rap. I don't care about the "act your own race" shit. Just have some ounce of fucking talent you genital wart. But yeah, at first I thought Asher Roth was Kevin Rudolf. I saw Kevin Rudolf perform on some nighttime talk show and I thought to myself "Surely this must be the asshole named Asher". I didn't know cause I don't listen to the radio much anymore. I tried it the other day, and then fucking Lady Gaga came on and I freaked out and drove up on the sidewalk and hit a lady pushing a stroller. Kevin Rudolf, if you don't know, is some other cocksucker that does that song "Let it Rock". For some reason or another Lil Wayne is featured all through out the music video, which you can see if you click here. Yeah it's another major music label that wants people to watch the music videos but doesn't want people to embed them anywhere. Like that makes any fucking sense. So you can imagine the look on my face when I found out that Kevin Rudolf was indeed NOT Asher Roth. Fuck me. You mean there's two assholes making shitty music like this? Actually I wasn't that surprised. I was more disappointed than anything. I was also disappointed to see Lil' Wayne in the video. What the fuck is Weezy doing with that shitty white guy singing a faggy rock/dance song? Did Lil' Wayne just throw up some horns? Does he think he's being "metal". Fuck. Well I've lost respect for him. And if either Asher Roth or Kevin Rudolf make a guest appearance on The Carter 8 or 9 or whatever number he's up to than I will have lost all respect from him and crown him whiter than Snow. This Snow from the 90's:
Look, white boys. If you're gonna rap that's fine. But you have to work at it. You can't just get on a mic and expect that you're awesome. You have no street cred. Even if you grew up in Detroit and had to kill a man once on the way to school, you will never be seen as a gangster. Black guys, they can name themselves what ever fucked up vowel-less name they want to and rap about their crabs. It doesn't matter. You can't. If you need an example, look no further than other noted Canadian rapping talent, Chuggo.
I put mayonnaise on everything, that's how I eat.
Now THAT'S real-talk. You think Chuggo would rap about college? Even if he had gone to college, Chuggo would immediately know that rapping about college is lame. Asher Roth. Come on fucking guy. Who the fuck are you?
Thursday, August 13, 2009
This Video is About Cats, Rape, and Pedophelia!
In light of the news that I posted not too long ago about a man blaming his cat for downloading child pornography onto his computer, I decided to make a video that used those same themes. And yes, it's a keyboard cat video. Fuck you, I still think they're funny.
Wednesday, August 12, 2009
How to be Less Productive
I felt that some of you were about to go out and do something useful. For shame. Here's a great new game for you all to help you stay unproductive! Guide an elephant through this level from one tube to the next. Over and over. The game on has one level. Enjoy!
Play "This Is The Only Level" by Armor Games
Monday, August 10, 2009
My Cat is a Pedophile
I read one of the funniest articles in my local newspaper yesterday. The report was done by the associated press, so the story has made it nationwide, but I haven't seen it get the recognition it deserves for how ridiculous it really is. Here's the story:
A Florida man told authorities his cat was responsible for more than 1,000 images of alleged child pornography found on his home computer, the Martin County Sheriff's Department reports.
Keith Griffin of Jensen Beach is charged with 10 counts of possession of child
Griffin, 48, is being held on $250,000 bond. A neighbor is taking care of the cat — who has not been charged.
(Booking photo of Keith Griffin via Martin County Sheriff's Department.)
I can't wait to hear what the judge has to say to this guy. He's almost as bad as this dude:
I'm working on another youtube video, involving that guy.
Tuesday, August 4, 2009
Ridiculous Feud Between Neighbors...About Lawn Chairs
Two neighbors seem to be having a misunderstanding between each other. One neighbor (John) has two lawn chairs in his front yard, close to his house. Nothing out of the ordinary. But his neighbor (Paul) thinks that it's an eyesore, yet is oblivious to the eyesores that are all around his house. Hilarity ensues when John decides to erect lawn chair towers. Enjoy
click to enlarge
Monday, August 3, 2009
Straight Up Real Talk
One of the most epic threads ever concocted has become one of the most hilarious websites. CanITapThat.com is a website dedicated to real life texting conversations in which the brief, to the point, and awkward question: When are you gonna let me tap dat ass? is posed to an unsuspecting person.
The various responses are then displayed as well in which most women are just confused or disgusted. Sure there's some instances where the simple question seems to actually have worked, but there's really no way of checking validity. Fake or not this website has some hilarious conversations that are worth reading, and some great one liners that are worth repeating.
Some of my favorites include:
1. Me: So when are you gonna let me tap that?
Her: Huh?
Me: Im serious.
Her: Should be there in 20
Me: Sweet, I'll prep the diaphram
Her: That's hot
Me: (5 mins later) What kind of pizza do you want?
2. Me: So when are you going to let me tap that?
Her: Never.
Me: Well that wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.
3. Me: So when are you going to let me tap dat?
Her: Not till your rash clears up.
Me: Baby that's a a love rash.
4. Me: Ay girl when can I tap that?
Her: What? What?
Me: Put your V in my P.
Her: .........
Me: Welp, see ya later!
5. Me: Hey bebe when can I tap dat?
Her: Wtf ur already inside of me put ur phone away
Me: Oh shiiattttt
The various responses are then displayed as well in which most women are just confused or disgusted. Sure there's some instances where the simple question seems to actually have worked, but there's really no way of checking validity. Fake or not this website has some hilarious conversations that are worth reading, and some great one liners that are worth repeating.
Some of my favorites include:
1. Me: So when are you gonna let me tap that?
Her: Huh?
Me: Im serious.
Her: Should be there in 20
Me: Sweet, I'll prep the diaphram
Her: That's hot
Me: (5 mins later) What kind of pizza do you want?
2. Me: So when are you going to let me tap that?
Her: Never.
Me: Well that wasn't as fun as I thought it would be.
3. Me: So when are you going to let me tap dat?
Her: Not till your rash clears up.
Me: Baby that's a a love rash.
4. Me: Ay girl when can I tap that?
Her: What? What?
Me: Put your V in my P.
Her: .........
Me: Welp, see ya later!
5. Me: Hey bebe when can I tap dat?
Her: Wtf ur already inside of me put ur phone away
Me: Oh shiiattttt
This Guy Kicks Ass
This is literally one of the best videos of a white guy dancing that I have ever seen. And, I'm pretty sure I work with him which just adds to the hilarity for me. But truthfully, who doesn't know a guy like this?
Now, I'm not saying that I'm a good dancer, but I don't even know what this guy is doing. It's like a fusion of funk, air bass guitar, air drums, the conga, and the hokey pokey. Congratulations guy who looks like Bernie. You are the King of the dance floor, even if it's the sales floor of a department store.
Now, I'm not saying that I'm a good dancer, but I don't even know what this guy is doing. It's like a fusion of funk, air bass guitar, air drums, the conga, and the hokey pokey. Congratulations guy who looks like Bernie. You are the King of the dance floor, even if it's the sales floor of a department store.
Masturbaiton Gesture Gone Wrong
From The Whitest Kids You Know comes this video in which a co-worker takes the jerking off gesture way over the line.
Hilarious. Hil-arious.
Hilarious. Hil-arious.
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