This Will Blow Your Minds

Dan Deacon, he's clearly not new, but I'm clearly not up-to-date on what all the cool art school kids are up to these days. He's a music performer from Baltimore that specializes in mushroom trips as expressed by computer wham-doodlin. I cannot really explain it further then that; the music is just hypnotizing, even if it doesn't make any sense whatsoever.

What You Thought Was Wrong

You were an overweight red haired kid with a pale complexion standing in the backyard. Holding the camera above your head, you had remarkable stability. Stability as in the camera shaking, not mental stability. Because you, as evident in the video, were not mentally stable. You were an angry young man, some would say fiery, and you had a message that you needed to convey to everyone picking on you at school, nay, you had a message for the world. That you thought ginger's have souls too. But, with the help of the theme song from Braveheart, it was evident that what you thought was wrong.



And now, for the first time ever, a rebuttal...broski.



Does anyone else think he kind of talks like Kenny Powers from East Bound and Down?

Album Review: God is Good

I admit to being new to the whole stoner metal genre. For most of my youth it was the faster the better. But bands like Clutch and Black Sabbath always remained some of my most favorite bands. It was while exploring some Clutch videos on youtube that I first came across the mighty Sleep. A fan had taken their track Holy Mountain and had it playing over an edited video of a trippy movie called Holy Mountain. The song was crushingly heavy so I decided to give the whole album a go, and immediately fell in love with it. Unfortunately for all of us fans of Sleep, they have since disbanded. Guitarist Matt Pike moved on to play in High on Fire, and drummer Chris Hakius and singer/bassist Al Cisneros went on to form the feature band of this review: Om.



God is Good is the band's 4th full length studio album, and first with replacement drummer Emil Amos. It spans 34 minutes over top of 4 tracks, 19 of which are dedicated to the first track alone. Not exactly packed full of new material, but none of their albums ever have as 4 tracks is actually the longest any of their albums have ever been. When you hear that the first track is 19 minutes long, you can kind of figure that it could literally count for 3-4 normal sized tracks, but I don't. If you make one song it will have one over all theme- no matter how long. Plus when you only have a bass and drums it's not like the songs are overly complex. But don't take that as nit-picking. I just REALLY want to hear more from these guys.

The first track is titled Thebes. And let me just say right now, if you aren't really up to date on all the mythologies/ancient holy texts and such than the lyrics will make no sense to you, as the didn't to me. But it doesn't matter. The musicianship is tremendous, and it would have to be for just a rhythm section to keep you interested for all 34 minutes of the album. Unlike most tracks of Thebes' size, it's not broken down into many smaller parts, or movements. In fact I'd say there's only really two parts to it, but they flow together so fluently that you don't really catch that you're listening to a different melody until it's already been played through for a couple of minutes. The style of music can only be described as Eastern. Aside from over all song structure, there's even a tambura playing here and there in all the tracks. It's sort of what you'd expect to hear if you were watching a movie where someone was in India doing something around the holy lands. There's also some Tibetan throat singing too. Al's contribution to the singing is an even more laid back talking/chant than it was back in Sleep.
The next song is my favorite on the album: Meditation is the Practice of Death. What a stellar track. I admit, it's not music for everyone, but if you like stoner rock and just want to be in a laid back mood- this is the song for you. I don't even smoke weed and I already know what it's like to be high after hearing this song. The lyrics are crazy to someone like me who has no idea of the stories or texts that he's pulling the ideas from. The bass line is thick, and the only thing that's gonna cut it up is the sharp ride cymbal hits from Emil.
The last two tracks are all instrumental, aside from the occasional chant or throat singing. The first of the two, Cremation Ghat I, is dominated by percussion in the first half, and some chanting in the second half. The second track, aptly titled Cremation Ghat II is largely string instrument dominated and features the most use of the tambura.

Overall I'm really happy I decided to take a chance with this album. It's definitely not one of those albums where you can just listen to it whenever you want to. It'll take some time out of your day if you spin this CD. More often than not you'll just play Meditation is the Practice of Death over and over as it's not as long as Thebes, but actually has singing in it unlike the Cremation Ghat tracks. The album artwork was what you would expect with this type of music. It's simple, and has the holy/ancient overtone about it. It's really a no frills band, so the no frills artwork is essentially what was needed. For that, I'd give it a 6/10. It's not spectacular, and it would have been nice to have something that you could stare at more when listening to the trance like music, but it'll suffice.
The music is very different from anything I've heard around today. Sure Intronaut touched on the whole Eastern-style of playing with Reptillian Brain, the final track on their latest album Prehistoricisms. And I'm sure there's other bands around that have too, but no one I've heard of sounds like Om. Even if there was a band around that sounded like Om, fuck 'em, cause they don't have Al Cisneros on bass. I give the music on the album a 7/10. I'd like to have more content. The album is only 34 minutes long. There's hardcore and grindcore bands that have longer albums than that. In spite of that, the music that is there is great. It's actually very relaxing to listen to, and will surely be a hit the next time your friends want to pass around the pipe.

That gives Om's God is Good a 14/20. It's a great album, and I'd recommend it to anyone who likes stoner rock, but they could have done a little bit more with it. I understand that everything about this band is minimalistic, but it should be taken as a compliment that I want more from the band. Hell, half of the music out today I don't even want to hear 3 minutes of let alone 34. So don't let the lower overall score fool you. Om is Good. Really good. And, there are rumors that Sleep is getting back together for some tours in 2010. All the more reason to hang up a black light and cop all of Om, High on Fire, and Sleep's albums.

What You Thought Was Wrong

You were a fat, mid-twenties, Midwestern man-child with a black sweat-pants suit. Your long hair was crafted into one of the finest mega-mullets under the sun. As a shy young man, enunciating your intended purpose for making a film wasn't your forte. But true warriors rarely use words, they let their swords do the talking. In spite of your attire and illustrious mane that screamed "New World Samurai", you sought help, online, for further advancement in your sword fighting. You never second guessed your hair, skill, sweat-pants suit, or fatness. Surely no one on the internet would be so shallow as to use that against you in your search for advanced swordplay. But, as is usually the case with overweight kids trying to show off their sweet skills, what you thought was wrong.

Not Even Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone

It has already been well established that Alaska's Nanooks hockey team had one of the best intros of all time. But what happens when they decide to ramp up the awesome? Pure bad-assery that not even Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone can accompany. More explosions, flying polar bears, aviator glasses, volcano nuking, and time riff traveling than you can shake a hockey stick at. Ladies and Gentlemen, I give you: The 2010 Alaska Nanook Introduction Video.

Cute Things Exploding

There's a new, to me, youtube channel called Cute Things Exploding. It's even better than Is it a Good Idea to Microwave This? Especially when you've seen one too many I Can Haz Cheezeburger pictures. I don't feel like the videos need anymore explaining then that.

Album Review: Axe to Fall

Well my package finally arrived today bringing forth 6 brand new (to me) CDs. In the coming days will likely be some type of gauntlet of album reviews whenever I feel like actually getting to them. Within my package of new music were a few oldies that I won't bother reviewing. I needed to fill out my death metal catalog so I picked up some of the classics like Death's Individual Thought Patterns, Repulsion's Horrified, and a few others. They're classics, what's there to review? But the first album that I will be reviewing is Converge's Axe to Fall. I was pretty excited to get this CD because of all the rave reviews that it got. Hell, Decibel Magazine gave it a perfect 10/10. But then again, they are known for having a massive boner for Converge. I read through the reviews and of course, on paper every song sounds like it's gonna tear my asshole open. But I didn't go to their myspace page, or check them out on Youtube to try and get a sneak peek of what the songs all sounded like. I wanted to save that for the CD. I don't know if that was a good idea or not because I think I had really high expectations for the album. I currently own zero other Converge albums, and have only occasionally heard any of their songs. This was going to be a completely new experience for me.

For those of you that don't know, Converge is a foursome of fierce fret-fuckin force from Massachusetts. They play a brand of hardcore not unlike Torche, or Coalesce. Their album Jane Doe is often credited as being one of the break through hardcore albums of the decade whose art work has even inspired hundreds of bands. Needless to say they have quite the reputation, and every album they release has quite a bar to hurdle.

Axe to Fall features a regular cornucopia of who's-who in the metal business. The amount of people that collaborated on this album is absurd. Look at this list taken from wikipedia:

* Sean Martin (ex-Hatebreed, Cage) – lead guitar, backing vocals on "Reap What You Sow"
* George Hirsch (Blacklisted) – backing vocals on "Axe to Fall"
* Steve Brodsky (Cave In) – lead guitar on "Effigy"
* Adam McGrath (Cave In) – guitars on "Effigy"
* John-Robert Connors (Cave In, Doomriders) – drums on "Effigy" and "Wretched World"
* Ulf Cederlund (Disfear, ex-Entombed) – lead guitar, backing vocals on "Wishing Well"
* Tim "Trivikrama Dasa" Cohen (108) – lead guitar on "Damages"
* John Pettibone (Undertow, Himsa) – backing vocals on "Cutter"
* Steve Von Till (Neurosis) – lead vocals on "Cruel Bloom"
* Aimee Argote (Des Ark) – backing vocals on "Cruel Bloom"
* "The Rodeo" – backing vocals on "Cruel Bloom"
* Chris Taylor (Pygmy Lush, ex-Pg. 99) – backing vocals on "Cruel Bloom"
* Mookie Singerman (Genghis Tron) – lead vocals, keyboard on "Wretched World"
* Hamilton Jordan (Genghis Tron) – guitars on "Wretched World"
* Michael Sochynsky (Genghis Tron) – keyboard on "Wretched World"
* Brad Fickeisen (The Red Chord) – drums on "Wretched World"

It's amazing that you could still call it a Converge album. And again, without any listens to their back catalog it's hard for me to say whether or not the guest appearances really changed the music or not, but as for my first couple of listens to the CD I'd have to say that the idea that was to be obtained with each song is not lost on the listener because of the multitude of other artist contributions.


The first song on the album is Dark Horse. And it really sets the tone. The riff that starts at the :14 second mark is bad ass enough to give fans of Between the Buried and Me a boner. And as complex as it is, it's not like one of those "Dillinger" riffs that are super spastic. It's still hardcore. Very nice production on this album. The guitar tone isn't annoying, the vocals are buried enough in the muck that they don't take away from the music, and the bass line really cuts through. This song is sure to be a fan favorite during the shows because it barely let's down; which means mosh-galore.
Dark Horse barely breaks before the beat is going on the hi-hit for the next song: Reap What You Sow. By the sound of it you'd think Mastodon's Brent Hinds was playing on it. I don't think I have to keep re-stating that the songs are very fast paced. In fact from here on out just imagine each track is face rippingly fast, until noted otherwise. The vocals are very grind-core like. Very indecipherable. You'll be grabbing your linear notes once this track hits for sure. I like how this track moves from idea to idea, and then throws in an old-school solo for good measure.
Again, with no break, it's onto the next track: Axe to Fall. Very tricky guitar work on this one. But you wouldn't listen to this and think it's just some guy noodling. Guitarist Kurt Ballou is shredding. Pretty short track, but I think it was necessary. The linear notes show that most songs have limited lyrics, and the sole verse is likely to be repeated. You can't understand Jacob Bannon anyway, so that's actually not as annoying as I thought it would be.
And what do you know? The next track, Effigy, starts up right away. It's a bit exhaustive at this point. Some CD's can do it, Pig Destroyer's Terrifyer for example, but these tracks are borderline too long for it to feel like a good move. If your song repeats itself (eg verse chorus verse), and you play a style of music where most of your songs are inevitably going to sound alike, don't let every song on the album run directly into the next one. Unless the unrelenting madness is what they were aiming for. In which case they nailed it. Some really cool guitar sounds in this song. The guitar kinda takes a back seat at certain parts through-out the song for something that can only be described as "wham-doodlin'".
Finally, a break between songs, and a noticeably different tempo. And I don't mean that as "Finally, I've been waiting for that" as much as I mean it as "Oh, one finally happened. They clearly know what they're doing". Worms Will Feed takes you down to where the worms do feed: in the muck. This song is Slu-hu-hu-dgy! And oddly enough when I first heard it I figured this was one of the songs that had collaboration on it. And oddly enough: No. It's their own experimentation on their own brand of hardcore. It's a very interesting song. I think it would have even found a home on Coalesce's OX album, cause of the almost western feel to it. Actually that's pretty cool about this song. It's sludgy, so you think southern like Louisiana, but there's a twang to the guitars which puts you somewhere else in the Southwest. Then you get the hardcore part of it that makes you think California. Like the desert area in California where there are those Joshua trees. That's where this song takes place. Which is literally on the other side of the coast from Massachusetts.

Wishing Well backs up Worms Will Feed. And it does it well. The tempo is just slightly quicker, as if they're getting ready to build you back up to the original rip your face off quickness. This song has a nice chugging beat to it, without being too cheesy. And, like all songs with chugging beats it has gang vocals. With Ulf Cederlund of Disfear playing the lead guitar in this song, and because of it's Rock and Roll qualities, this song mind as well be a Disfear song featuring Jacob on vocals.
Damages. What? Still not back to face ripping speed. Clearly the guys got something up their sleeve. Maybe it's the perpetual palm muted guitars, or the fact that drummer Ben Koller is perpetually doing a drum role- but I'm not too big on this song. The different vocals towards the crawling end are a welcome change. And I like the spasm of a guitar solo that's barely a guitar solo. Essentially I like the second half of the song more than the beginning and it's staccato pattern. If the first few tracks were challenging to get through because of their punishing tempo, than these last 3 tracks have been a much needed break. But the brevity of the next song foreshadows the arrival of face-ripping speed.
Losing battle is the next rack. And sure enough, the hardcore is back. So is the fading into the next track. The guitars are much more straight-forward on this track, relying on feed back to fill voids between Bannon's singing, and the typical string bending exclamations one would expect to hear on a hardcore album (older Everytime I Die comes to mind).
Dead Beat is another track that I thought for sure would have contributing artist on it. Yet again I was proven wrong while fingering through the linear notes. This is another track with less-impressive-than-previous-tracks guitar work. Ballou is still shredding, but if you're gonna start an album with the riff found on Dark Horse, then I'm gonna have to compare each song's guitar work to that. Sounds like there were a few different guitar tracks layered together on this one. Like you can barely make out an acoustic guitar in the background during the intro, and the repeating parts of that idea.
Cutter is up next, and oh what a riff in the beginning. Hello Slayer! Alas, it's short live before switching back to spastic hardcore mode. Ballou's guitar seems like it's almost doing the back up vocals for Bannon through-out the verses. Probably one of the least creative parts of the album in my opinion. For some reason I've never really been a fan of the singer using the main riff as a vocal pattern, but it shows up a lot in hardcore. I kinda wished they did more with that sweet sounding guitar tone they had in the beginning and end of the song.
The next track, that actually wasn't faded into, is Slave Driver. I think if it wasn't for the change in vocals in the middle of the song, Bannon's growl would kind of get stale. This song is very punk. More so than anything else on the album. Yet it still manages to go back to this almost industrial sounding prog-metal rhythm. Not like Meshuggah, instead it's more like...Fear Factory? Weird, but cool: Punk and Fear Factory.
The next tracks Cruel Bloom and Wretched World are so disjointed from the rest of the album that they don't even seem like Converge songs. They literally don't feel "in place" on the album. Not odd at all is the fact that these are the two songs with the most collaboration on them. Hell, the whole Genghis Tron group shows up for Wretched World. Steve Von Till of Neurosis sings on Cruel Bloom, and the song mind as well be his. There's also some female vocals that show up in the chorus. And I think that's an xylophone. I literally don't think Bannon is featured on this song at all. So I doubt this one will ever show up in concert. It's probably just as well as this song would totally kill the show. I mean it's a good song. It's very interesting. But it honestly sounds more like Giant Squid with Steve Von Till, than it does any hardcore band, let alone the band we heard in the previous tracks. It's pretty cool to have such a different track on the album, but again, it's very disjointed. Wretched World on the other hand, though also pretty far removed from the rest of the songs on Axe to Fall, has it's own unique quality to it. In my opinion they should have cut out Cruel Bloom and just went straight to this track. Or put Cruel Bloom somewhere else in the album. It's just too weird ending the CD with two songs where I don't even know if any members of Converge are even playing along. As Genghis Tron, the entire Genghis Tron, plays on Wretched World it surely enough sounds like Genghis Tron. The drummer from Red Chord and Cave in play on the song too, but I couldn't tell you where. It mind as well be Genghis Tron's drum machine. The song is good, don't get me wrong. I actually really like it, but that's cause I already really like Genghis Tron. I actually think they should have taken the track space that Cruel Bloom took up and made Wretched World that much longer as this song could easily span 10 minutes without overstaying it's welcome. And then maybe, you know, some of the Converge guys could have shown up to play on it.


Overall I give the music on this album a 7/10. It had it's moments of greatness and it's almost like they overshadowed the moments of less awesomeness and made them into moments of mediocrity. The riff on Dark Horse for example, totally bad ass. But when you get down to tracks like Slave Driver the little hardcore bending the string noise isn't going to cut it. The drumming was tight, the bass was there, but neither were amazing. I actually think the main issue with the band is Bannon's lack of range. I understand fully the style of music they are playing, but hell even grindcore bands switch it up a little. Just look at JR Hayes of Pig Destroyer or Kevin Sharp of Brutal Truth. I think the collaboration is a big reason this album got such great reviews. It helped break up some of the monotony of Bannon's growl. I haven't listened to Converge enough to know how the contributing guitarists changed the sound of the music, but Ballou is seemingly a beast on guitar when he wants to be. He showed a great deal of dexterity and open-mindedness to dabble in other genres through-out the album. He is truly the bands greatest asset.

I'd give the album artwork a 6/10. It wasn't anything crazy cool, or even super inventive, but it fits the music. After seeing some of their other albums artwork it's clear that one guy (Ballou) has consistently done them all. Kinda like when you look at Mastodon's art work.

Overall that gives Axe to Fall a 13/20. Unfortunately they couldn't get a perfect score from me, but 13/20 is still really good. One thing that is clear with this album is that it will be a grower for me. Again, I haven't really listened to anything that Converge has put out in the past, so it's hard to really grade this album based on their other work. This was a new experience for me and I'm glad that I got the album. I'm sure I'll be going back to it a lot, and will undoubtedly hear new and cool things that I didn't catch before. Up next for my reviews I still have:

Keep of Kalessin- Armada
Cobalt- Gin
Marduk- Wormwood
Clutch- Strange Cousins from the West
OM- God is Good
And I think that's it. Thankfully I'm not the most prolific writer ever, so I'm sure there will be space in between those albums, if I even get to all of them.

Thank You for Being a Tran

Finally, someone went ahead and made the parody we were all thinking of. Or at least that I was also thinking of. The Golden Shower Girls. Watch as the pre-ops go to Burt Reynold's big gay orgy to get some, but run into a police roadblock on their way to the Hershey highway. Will the girls/guys ever get the chance to smoke Burt's bandit?

Cat Dives in Box

This cat really enjoys diving in boxes.



That is all.

Album Review: Magrudergrind

All I wanted for xmas was an Xbox 360, and a shit ton of CD's to help fill out my library. Mom pulled through with the 360, but the rest of the fam' let me down. I was forced to spend all of my xmas money on CD's. As I clear my way through them I will, of course, let you all know which ones you need to get a hold of.

Right now, as I'm eagerly awaiting my 2nd package to arrive, I'm jamming to the short but sweet self-titled '09 EP from Magrudergrind. Their tight, raw, grinding punk sound with clear metal influences is showcased with perfect production via Kurt Ballou of Converge fame (whose CD Axe to Fall is in the mail as we speak). Hell it was even mastered by fellow grindcore guitar legend Scott Hull of Pig Destroyer. Loud, fast, and at the same time confusingly catchy. There isn't something about this grindcore band that I don't like.



And while most will label them as grindcore, Magrudergrind keep it very punk. Not in the "I gave myself a mohawk so I look like the guy from The Casualties" type of punk. I'm talking about the "fuck you I do what I want" style of punk that was essentially buried under a pile of un-purchased Give 'Em The Boot compilations in the backroom of your local Hot Topic sometime in the mid to late 90's. The album cover says it all with a crossed out musical note (an eighth note to be exact) placed directly under their moniker.

The album starts off with The Protocols of Anti-sound. Ringing guitars and a sound clip of what sounds like some Japanese warrior getting himself pumped up to go kamikaze someone set the atmosphere for Magrudergrind's inevitable ass-whooping on your ears. And, of course, the song doesn't stick around for too much longer afterwords. In true grindcore fashion, barely any of their songs touch the 2 minute mark. Because the songs are so short I'm going to go against my typical review style and just speak about the album as a whole rather than dissect each song. There's not much to say about a song that is less than 2 minutes long. Guitarist RJ Ober dishes out riff after riff without letting a single one go stale, or fall flat. Chris Moore's drumming is a frenzy of blast beats but still manages to have soul. Not something your typical drum machine can emmulate. Avi Kulawy displays a well honed grasp on key grindcore vocals such as shrieking and grunting. And not pig grunts. Fuck pig grunts. Major props to the band for sneaking in The Spirit of Truth on the tail-end of Heretics, just before Bridge Burners; an extra sludgy gem that wouldn't be out of place on any Eyehategod album. That you can find influences in Magrudergrind's music is a testament to the quality of their playing and diversity within their grind, and not because they're wearing it on their sleeves. Credit is also due for their ability to keep the listeners interest on this album. Many-a-grindcore band put out album after album that start to blur together after track 3. However, the punk feel of these songs, and the soundbites too, help keep the feeling fresh and despite the lyrical content, rather light-hearted. But any feeling you have that these dudes are probably real chill and would be fun to party with ends with closer Martyrs of the Shoah- a song about the Jews who were victims of this holocaust-related death camp. But don't let that change your mind about these guys, I'm sure they still love to party.



I'd give the music for this album a 9/10. Even though it's a grindcore album, it still manages to stay interesting and exude creativity. It's likely because of the bands ability to work outside of the genre, and incorporate some death metal, sludge, and punk into the songs. On paper it sounds like a major step away from their back catalog, but this album should do anything but alienate their core group of fans.
I'd give the album artwork an 8/10. It's very simplistic, harkening back to random picture collages like the ones found on Dead Kennedy's Fresh Fruit for Rotten Vegetables linear notes, and Carcass's Reek of Putrefaction, only less muddled together. The DIY feel of the art goes perfect with the DIY feel of the music. Anything more would have just been awkward.
So, overall that gives the album a 17/20. Pretty damn good for a grindcore album where one would expect little substance. But I'd highly recommend this album to any fan of grindcore. Or if you're into punk or metal and want a great starting place for diving into the fast-paced, face-melting world of grindcore. I wouldn't recommend it to the douchebags who try to keep borders around their genres who'll likely argue that the album is "Too-This/That" and "Not Enough-This/That" to fit within their respective genre. You all can go fuck yourself. I'm looking forward to seeing these guys kick ass at the Maryland Deathfest this year in Baltimore. More on that later. Until then, I might go buy some Portal CD's so I can sing along to Glumerphonel when I see them at the Fest too.

Not Even Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone...

Not even Kenny Loggin's Danger Zone could work up enough adrenaline for most people to go ahead and physically assault the leader of the Catholic religion, ie the Pope. But this lady is not most people. Nor is the person who actually made the youtube account that hosts this video: "WomanAttackPope". I can't believe I didn't hear about this before, or why I haven't seen any parodies of it yet.