Alright, I've put it off for long enough. It's time to review that god awful movie Exterminator City. First off, let's have a look at that picture above. It's the cover of the movie, and was printed on the DVD. The big skull in the center is the villain in the movie, so there's no problem there. I take issue with the people on the right side of the picture...because no one that looked like that was ever in the movie. It looks like two young guys running from something, but the only humans that appeared in this flick were porn stars, or B rated movie loving actresses that mind as well be porn stars because their only use is to be topless and die. Here's a SFW look at some of the girls featured in the movie
Those are actual scenes from the movie, and that's not even all the girls. Essentially the plot went: See a woman doing something topless for no reason, see this robot getting ready to kill her seemingly filmed using a different camera because you can clearly notice the difference in quality between the two scenes,
see a the woman doing her best (read worst) acting of being scared
cut back to the robot maybe moving closer to her, back to the girl, and then there's a scene with a knife jabbing and some fake blood shooting around. The robot is never in the same scene as any of the girls. They likely just had their husbands film them being topless and screaming in their own house, and then sent it in to the director. Once the woman was dead a robot detective, and a robot psychologist would show up.
The robots seemed to have a British accent, because why not, so it was a little hard at times to understand what they were saying. But generally it was something along the lines of "that's a damn shame [insert cliche/cheesy line about a)getting the criminal b)how sick the criminal is c)how the psychologist robot is getting off on this because he likes being in the mind of the criminal]. Every single time. Every murder. 90% of the movie. The same fucking thing over and over.
To let you know that the robots were traveling there were also scenes of some hover car on strings zooming past some cardboard buildings that all looked the same, and in fact the just reused the same travel scene a few times.
The robot sword fight that I was so excited to see, was pointless...well more pointless than a robot sword fight sounds. It was between the detective and the psychologist, and I think they were just doing it to pass time instead of actually trying to figure out where the murdering robot was going to strike next.
Also in the movie was some scenes with religious context.
Yes, that is a picture of some type of devil that is really just another horribly made puppet. The religious part of the movie comes in where the murdering robot thinks (I think) that he's doing God's work by killing off all these women who are also prostitutes. He has visions before and after killing of a bleeding cross, and the devil, and shit like that. So the robot detective tells a robot preacher that has a preaching robot show on TV to tell the robot murderer, via his show, to come to his church so that he can help him, but in reality it was supposed to be a trap to catch the robot murderer. I don't think the plan works, but the robot murderer does meet with the robot preacher to have robot confession...even though he doesn't talk. And oh yeah! The robot murderer used to be a robot exterminator before he went crazy and got sent to robot prison, hence Exterminator City.
This movie never fucking ends. It was horrible. I even like watching bad movies (I have Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo on my Netflix Queue), and this movie was unbearable. I did make it through to the very end, but I really didn't want to. The DVD was in such bad condition that the movie often skipped or stuck in the middle of scenes. I had to seriously consider whether or not I wanted to rewind and watch some of the shitty scenes over again. The last 15 minutes of the movie was one such case, and I had to really push myself to finish the film. It's not even a movie that's so bad you have to see it. Just don't see it. Ever. It wasn't funny, all the naked women weren't sexy, the gore was poorly done even for a b rated movie, the puppets were poorly constructed, the plot jumped around so much you had no idea what was going on, what dialog is in the movie is totally negligible towards actually providing any cohesion in the story if you can even hear/understand it at all, and the soundtrack was the same repeated horn crescendo part over and over again which provided no relief from the awful sound effects. Here's a few scenes from the movie to give you a better idea of how horrible it actually was
Murdering robot sees a devil/imp thing after killing some masked guy, who had nothing to do with the plot, for absolutely no reason:
Murdering robot murders some whore who is all alone at her house yet managed to tie herself up to some type of cross supposedly just for the hell of it:
Detective robot shares shitty dialog with psychologist robot who utters the most mind-fucking line ever spoken. A robot tells another robot that he's about to "witness the future of artificial intellegence". Wow. Just wow. Then the robot detective goes into the mind of the robot murderer who's hallucinating that he's in some type of hell where a rock that looks like it has a face smiles as the robot murderer seems to get raped by the devil...I guess:
And for shits and giggles, here's the robot sword fight:
This movie hurt my mind to watch. I literally was dumbfounded throughout the whole thing. Please, whatever you do, no matter how much you like b rated movies, do not watch this. Go rent The Stuff, or Basket Case. Just stay away from Exterminator City. If I have to listen to that fucking impact wrench noise again, I'm going to go on a killing spree. A robot killing spree.
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