Did You Celebrate the National Day of Slayer?

You better have. I know I did. I donned my retro Slayer shirt, even while out at a nice family restaurant. As I feasted upon my slab of meat that I had ordered extra rare I noticed a stuck up mom eyeballing me while keeping her child's head turned away. I immediately recognized that she was a non-believer so I took my steak knife and flung it across the room so that it stuck to the wooden wall next to her table. I got up from my meal, ran over to where her family sat, jumped up on the table and screamed SLAYER! directly into her child's face. The kid instantaneously had both a seizure and the realization that Slayer was indeed one of the best metal bands ever, even though he was only 10. A group of bikers at the bar heard the battle cry, and chanted SLAYER! back in my direction. Another man ran outside to his truck seemingly in fear until he drove the vehicle straight into the establishment. Using the adrenaline rush of just having demolished a wall the man kicked out his windshield. Before anyone could even react to the flurry of glass created from the further destruction of his automobile, the man in the truck blasted Angel of Death from his CD player. Like the cavemen who discovered fire, the Slayer fans started going ape shit. Waves of air guitar, metal horns, and head banging spread like herpes at a 70's gang bang. Off in one of the corners a hipster's head exploded onto his date which was ironically a girl, because we all know hipsters are gay and strive to be ironic. Upon seeing his gray matter splattered across the table she ripped off her top, threw up the horns, and screamed at the top of her lungs right on time with Tom Araya as Angel of Death took off. Tables were flipped over to make room for the now forming mosh pit. The restaurant's kitchen had also been kicked into a spasmodic overdrive as beer and meat poured out from the back at unfathomable speeds to quell the primal instincts of the mob. The power of Jeff Hanneman's and Kerry King's solos caused an 83 car pile up on the nearby highway, that when completed resembled a flaming pentagram from above. The smoke gathered in the skies and brought forth a storm of unparalleled intensity. Lightning flashed, thunder cracked, and if by the grace of Satan, Raining Blood began to play. A passing airplane became caught in the strom where it was ripped to shreds by the fury of the winds. The airliner had been filled with the unlikely cargo of freshly killed lambs, and their blood fell from the skies as the plane descended in a fiery mess towards the ground. When it crashed, the plane stood almost upright, with the wings still intact so that it resembled a giant upside down cross that loomed over the remains of the restaurant. As the song ended, one last bolt of lightning ripped through the clouds, dissipating the tempest that the unbridled metal onslaught had conjured. High fives were awarded for a most brutal outbreak of Slayer worshiping. I finished my last hunk of meat, threw some money on what was left of my burning table in the most bad ass of ways possible, and headed home having fulfilled my duty.

While I was not around my computer to actually post any of this sooner, or some songs and Slayer related material like I promised, later is better than never.





SLAAAAAAAAAAAYYEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!