Temporary Blog Freeze

Until I can get the internet hooked up at my current state of residence (probably next week), there's likely to be a lack of updates. Hence the lack of updates since the 17th. I'll be back with some more shit like my new video game/ movie idea, some more shit that I don't like, and likely more battles of the internet. In the mean time, here's some more Christian Weston Chandler. And you BETTER have been watching the Sonichu Audiobooks, or I'll have to kill you. Plus, after you get through about 12 or so episodes of shitty jokes, shitty writing, shitty drawling, the gigantic plot hole that allows Chris to make up more "Sonichu and Rosechu" characters on the spot even though only 7 were to exist in the entire world, and the fact that even though the Sonichu comic book is about Sonichu yet features Chris and his shenanigans more so than his shitty made up character, you get to the point where Chris lets you know that his cartoons have become "of age". And from there...god speed, because you'll be screaming "NO!" as the story progresses.

Chris on Gays:


Non-edited music video, and definitely not gay:


Edited music video:


A Recant:



I don't like picking on the mentally handicapped (as Chris is autistic), but as many have said before me (including many autistic people, some of which are high functioning autistic just like Chris), it's not his autism's fault that he's so socially awkward and creepy. That's just Chris being Chris. And I don't think the rapist glasses help him one bit either.

This Could Be The Very Best Keyboard Cat Video Ever Created

Watch it. All of it.

Great Concert Moment, or Greatest Concert Moment?

During a Tool concert sometime ago Danny Carey and Justin Chancellor were holding down the rhythm section, Adam Jones was strumming a melody over an odd time signature, and Maynard James Keenan was crooning about his deepest emotions. Ænima had been released, and the set contained one of many album favorites, Pushit. Good times were being had by all when suddenly a rouge fan made his way onto the stage and found himself as the proverbial "victim" of the song after finding out that Maynard is fluent in Jujitsu . The following is (edited)video of the event.


The guy in the suit (Nathan) came out and sung his own part, but because of youtube time constrictions it was edited out

Now, I can't stand the assholes who ruin shows by being dicks during songs by jumping up on stage, throwing beers, using lasers, or any of that shit. But it had to of been bad ass to be that guy. Maynard essentially dedicated the song to him when he got him in that choke hold, mounted him, and wrapped the mic chord around him. Can you imagine what it would be like to have Maynard singing:

"Staring down the hole again.
Hands upon my back again.
Survival is my only friend.
Terrified of what may come.
Just remember I will always love you,
Even as I tear your fucking throat away.
But it will end no other way."

right into your ear at one of their shows? I'd cream my pants more than a pedophile playing Santa. And that's why this is one of the greatest moments in concert history.

Battle of the Internets

New series, Battle of the Internets, pits two videos/virals/people up against each other to see who reigns supreme over the internet within their respective category. Points will be awarded to each side with likely no predictable structure or further mention until one contender comes out on top.


That's right MasterBlaster. Two men enter. One man leaves. Let the battle begin!

This week, on Battle of the Internets, we have the Battle of the Mentally Imbalanced!

Two men, each with their own awkward social peculiarity. In one corner we have Fat Man, his love for cheesburgers, his disdain for people who kill him on World of Warcraft, and his reckless gluttonous lifestyle...folks.





In the other corner we have CWC, an acronym for his real name Chris. Needless to say CWC is social awkwardness defined. Listen to him explain his way through the idea of semen recycling, and internet dating. Bring forth your fowl nectar CWC and let us sample the honey of your psychosis!






And the winner is...Chris (aka Chis Chan aka CWC aka...ah fuck it just follow this link if you want to learn more). Chris wins because he has created Sonichu. A fantastical combination of both Sonic the Hedgehog and Pikachu the Pokemon. Not only has his creation inspired him to create a medallion shaped like the creatures head, but he has also written and illustrated his own comic (possible comic to video game). The "audio books" for this comic can be witnessed in their entirety on youtube. Here's the first episode, but you NEED to watch every single one. They are masterful.

Did You Celebrate the National Day of Slayer?

You better have. I know I did. I donned my retro Slayer shirt, even while out at a nice family restaurant. As I feasted upon my slab of meat that I had ordered extra rare I noticed a stuck up mom eyeballing me while keeping her child's head turned away. I immediately recognized that she was a non-believer so I took my steak knife and flung it across the room so that it stuck to the wooden wall next to her table. I got up from my meal, ran over to where her family sat, jumped up on the table and screamed SLAYER! directly into her child's face. The kid instantaneously had both a seizure and the realization that Slayer was indeed one of the best metal bands ever, even though he was only 10. A group of bikers at the bar heard the battle cry, and chanted SLAYER! back in my direction. Another man ran outside to his truck seemingly in fear until he drove the vehicle straight into the establishment. Using the adrenaline rush of just having demolished a wall the man kicked out his windshield. Before anyone could even react to the flurry of glass created from the further destruction of his automobile, the man in the truck blasted Angel of Death from his CD player. Like the cavemen who discovered fire, the Slayer fans started going ape shit. Waves of air guitar, metal horns, and head banging spread like herpes at a 70's gang bang. Off in one of the corners a hipster's head exploded onto his date which was ironically a girl, because we all know hipsters are gay and strive to be ironic. Upon seeing his gray matter splattered across the table she ripped off her top, threw up the horns, and screamed at the top of her lungs right on time with Tom Araya as Angel of Death took off. Tables were flipped over to make room for the now forming mosh pit. The restaurant's kitchen had also been kicked into a spasmodic overdrive as beer and meat poured out from the back at unfathomable speeds to quell the primal instincts of the mob. The power of Jeff Hanneman's and Kerry King's solos caused an 83 car pile up on the nearby highway, that when completed resembled a flaming pentagram from above. The smoke gathered in the skies and brought forth a storm of unparalleled intensity. Lightning flashed, thunder cracked, and if by the grace of Satan, Raining Blood began to play. A passing airplane became caught in the strom where it was ripped to shreds by the fury of the winds. The airliner had been filled with the unlikely cargo of freshly killed lambs, and their blood fell from the skies as the plane descended in a fiery mess towards the ground. When it crashed, the plane stood almost upright, with the wings still intact so that it resembled a giant upside down cross that loomed over the remains of the restaurant. As the song ended, one last bolt of lightning ripped through the clouds, dissipating the tempest that the unbridled metal onslaught had conjured. High fives were awarded for a most brutal outbreak of Slayer worshiping. I finished my last hunk of meat, threw some money on what was left of my burning table in the most bad ass of ways possible, and headed home having fulfilled my duty.

While I was not around my computer to actually post any of this sooner, or some songs and Slayer related material like I promised, later is better than never.





SLAAAAAAAAAAAYYEEEEEEERRRRRRRRRRR!!!

People Getting Blown Up

I had a shitty day, so what do I wanna do now? Watch people getting owned. Watch the people I had to deal with today at work attempt to stop objects with their face. That always makes me feel better.

Literal Music Video

For awhile now a group of people have been taking music videos of popular songs, and then sing along new lyrics that describe literally everything that is going on in the video. If you haven't checked any of them out before, you should do so. I just saw this one and thought it was funny, plus who doesn't like Total Eclipse of the Heart?

Goodbye Sanity

That Mr. T video that I just featured in the Breakin movie review made use of the song Goodbye Horses by Q Lazzarus. I don't think I have to explain why the song itself is popular or what kind of imagery immediately follows hearing that first synth note. Well I ran across this video along the way, and I just had to post it. The premise of the video is that it features "youtube poop" which is essentially funny video mash-ups that often take the original videos completely out of context. Not necessarily a new thing, but I figure I'd explain it to the few of you that didn't know what Youtube Poop was. Anyway, just watch the video.

Breakin: A Movie Review

That's right, back to back movie reviews. The difference? I don't even have to finish this movie (which is currently in progress) to know how friggin' awesome it is. Breakin' is straight out of the 80's with it's funky fresh dancing, and sensational hip hop attire. This movie will straight turn you out.

Ok, let me explain. Whereas Exterminator City was so bad that it deserved to be set on fire and thrown at an infant, Breakin' is so bad that it's hilarious. I mean the 80's were fucking terrible. The music is horrible, the clothing is retarded, and the phrases are jaw droppingly awful.

The lead characters go by the nicknames of Turbo and Ozone, and their female counterpart Special K. But I'm not going to even explain the plot because it doesn't matter. Sure it exists, and the characters are actually multidimensional and not just bad actors, but the reason you'll want to watch this movie is for the dancing. The poppin and lockin is endless. And Ice T and Shooter Mcgavin are even in it!

This movie is clearly the precursor to all dance movies worth mentioning, but even without watching any of them I can attest to none of them being as good. Except maybe Breakin' 2: Electric Boogaloo. That's all I gotta say. Go watch it. Now.



Jean Claude Van Damme even makes a cameo. And by cameo I mean he dances awkwardly in the background whilst wearing a unitard.


AND if any of you wanna learn how to street dance yourself, here's some helpful videos that are sure to get you poppin and lockin in no time!






And just for the hell of it, try not watching this whole thing. It's fucking mesmerizing.

Exterminator City: A Movie Review

Alright, I've put it off for long enough. It's time to review that god awful movie Exterminator City. First off, let's have a look at that picture above. It's the cover of the movie, and was printed on the DVD. The big skull in the center is the villain in the movie, so there's no problem there. I take issue with the people on the right side of the picture...because no one that looked like that was ever in the movie. It looks like two young guys running from something, but the only humans that appeared in this flick were porn stars, or B rated movie loving actresses that mind as well be porn stars because their only use is to be topless and die. Here's a SFW look at some of the girls featured in the movie











Those are actual scenes from the movie, and that's not even all the girls. Essentially the plot went: See a woman doing something topless for no reason, see this robot getting ready to kill her seemingly filmed using a different camera because you can clearly notice the difference in quality between the two scenes,


see a the woman doing her best (read worst) acting of being scared

cut back to the robot maybe moving closer to her, back to the girl, and then there's a scene with a knife jabbing and some fake blood shooting around. The robot is never in the same scene as any of the girls. They likely just had their husbands film them being topless and screaming in their own house, and then sent it in to the director. Once the woman was dead a robot detective, and a robot psychologist would show up.

The robots seemed to have a British accent, because why not, so it was a little hard at times to understand what they were saying. But generally it was something along the lines of "that's a damn shame [insert cliche/cheesy line about a)getting the criminal b)how sick the criminal is c)how the psychologist robot is getting off on this because he likes being in the mind of the criminal]. Every single time. Every murder. 90% of the movie. The same fucking thing over and over.
To let you know that the robots were traveling there were also scenes of some hover car on strings zooming past some cardboard buildings that all looked the same, and in fact the just reused the same travel scene a few times.

The robot sword fight that I was so excited to see, was pointless...well more pointless than a robot sword fight sounds. It was between the detective and the psychologist, and I think they were just doing it to pass time instead of actually trying to figure out where the murdering robot was going to strike next.
Also in the movie was some scenes with religious context.

Yes, that is a picture of some type of devil that is really just another horribly made puppet. The religious part of the movie comes in where the murdering robot thinks (I think) that he's doing God's work by killing off all these women who are also prostitutes. He has visions before and after killing of a bleeding cross, and the devil, and shit like that. So the robot detective tells a robot preacher that has a preaching robot show on TV to tell the robot murderer, via his show, to come to his church so that he can help him, but in reality it was supposed to be a trap to catch the robot murderer. I don't think the plan works, but the robot murderer does meet with the robot preacher to have robot confession...even though he doesn't talk. And oh yeah! The robot murderer used to be a robot exterminator before he went crazy and got sent to robot prison, hence Exterminator City.

This movie never fucking ends. It was horrible. I even like watching bad movies (I have Breakin' 2 Electric Boogaloo on my Netflix Queue), and this movie was unbearable. I did make it through to the very end, but I really didn't want to. The DVD was in such bad condition that the movie often skipped or stuck in the middle of scenes. I had to seriously consider whether or not I wanted to rewind and watch some of the shitty scenes over again. The last 15 minutes of the movie was one such case, and I had to really push myself to finish the film. It's not even a movie that's so bad you have to see it. Just don't see it. Ever. It wasn't funny, all the naked women weren't sexy, the gore was poorly done even for a b rated movie, the puppets were poorly constructed, the plot jumped around so much you had no idea what was going on, what dialog is in the movie is totally negligible towards actually providing any cohesion in the story if you can even hear/understand it at all, and the soundtrack was the same repeated horn crescendo part over and over again which provided no relief from the awful sound effects. Here's a few scenes from the movie to give you a better idea of how horrible it actually was

Murdering robot sees a devil/imp thing after killing some masked guy, who had nothing to do with the plot, for absolutely no reason:


Murdering robot murders some whore who is all alone at her house yet managed to tie herself up to some type of cross supposedly just for the hell of it:


Detective robot shares shitty dialog with psychologist robot who utters the most mind-fucking line ever spoken. A robot tells another robot that he's about to "witness the future of artificial intellegence". Wow. Just wow. Then the robot detective goes into the mind of the robot murderer who's hallucinating that he's in some type of hell where a rock that looks like it has a face smiles as the robot murderer seems to get raped by the devil...I guess:


And for shits and giggles, here's the robot sword fight:


This movie hurt my mind to watch. I literally was dumbfounded throughout the whole thing. Please, whatever you do, no matter how much you like b rated movies, do not watch this. Go rent The Stuff, or Basket Case. Just stay away from Exterminator City. If I have to listen to that fucking impact wrench noise again, I'm going to go on a killing spree. A robot killing spree.