(New)Favorite Video of Olde

This video is old. 30 years old to be exact. I didn't even know it existed until today however. I mean, just about everyone knows the "fish heads" song. All you have to do is start the lyrics and you can be sure that someone is going to finish them with you.

Fish Heads
Fish Heads
Roly-Poly Fish Heads
Fish Heads
Fish Heads
Eat Them Up YUM!

And maybe I'm just really naive, but I never even considered that the song actually had a music video, let alone an artsy one made back in 79'. Maybe you've seen it before, I'm sure you've heard it before, but goddammit here's the Fish Heads music video in all it's obscure majesty from 70's comedic duo Barnes and Barnes.



I guess what it comes down to is that I'm way to young to know about such things as this having been made. Nevertheless, now the songs stuck in your head asshole! Ahahahaha!

Top 5 Funniest Phone Calls

It's a bit of a corny, played out topic. But people generally go ape-shit for lists so I mind as well post these funny ass videos all together. These are my top-five favorite phone calls.

5. I Needa Bambalance!
It's an old sound clip. Hell I think it came out in the 90's. It may be fake, but it's worth laughing at anyway.





4. Police Officer Narcs on Himself. Possibly to Save His Own Life.
This phone call is ridiculous. A police officer calls 911 on his day off when an experiment goes wrong...or really well depending on how you look at it.





3. Jimmy Dean Sausage is Too Delicious.
4ozs. of meat is the difference between a good morning and a shitty one. I'd go with a "everything's big in texas" joke, but this guy's wife is only a little plump.





2. Easily the Best Method of Handling a Telemarketer.
This man goes well out of his way to make sure this telemarketer never calls his number again. Another video where credit is due for not cracking up in the middle of his act. This man has enough down time in his day to become a professional telemarketer handler. Which is as commendable as it is sad.





1. The Angry Manager with a Broken Elevator
This man goes psycho on the elevator service company over the phone because of his faulty elevator. This man spouts off some of the most hilarious lines I've heard, and reminds me of how much it sucks to work in customer service.




So the list wasn't really that epic, but I found these videos funny so I posted them because well, that's how blogs work. When I get some more time I'll start working on some better posts.

Favorite Video of Olde

A young urban youth commands respect on the mic when he lets the rap battle challenger know that he's the best mayne, and that he did it. Ladies and gentlemen, Eli Porter.



And my favorite remixes.

Cat on the Grill


I'm a Greedy Man



Eli Evokes a Demon



Eli Responds

Shit You Should Be Listening To

What? Am I going to see Nickelback and Papa Roach in concert?
Huh? Did I hear Slipknots recent album?
How do I feel about Blink 182 doing a reunion tour?


I made that

No I'm talking about real bands. Whose music is the epitome of epic. The heaviest of the heavy. Or at least a few of my favorites from the legends to a few lesser known acts.

Crawling riffage from Buried at Sea and their extremely down-tuned guitars.




The stoner metal masters: Sleep




Blackened Doom Straight Out of France from Year of No Light




Up and Coming Northwestern Sludge Metal Outfit: North




One of the Forefathers of Drone: EARTH




The other Forefathers of Drone...and about 90% of anything you hear that is heavy. Seriously.: The Melvins




From the Deepest Depths of Doom: Neurosis




These bands are just the tip of the iceberg when it comes to heavy, deep, droning metal. And the iceberg goes deep. So you better get cracking on this list of Shit You Should Be Listening To.

How to be Less Productive

It may have been awhile since I last told you a tried and true method of being less productive, but this game is so damn addictive and fun that you actually FEEL like you ARE being productive! It's a win-win if I ever saw one. So go to AdultSwim.com and push a dead body down the river. And while you're at it you can go ahead and smash it into rocks, tree stumps, and beavers along the way for extra points!

Go forth and do nothing!

Black Metal ist Krieg

Metal in itself is nothing more than a mother with thousands of bastard young, sorta like the Shub-Niggurath of the music world. A new sub-genre of metal is born at least a few times every year. Death metal, progressive metal, tech/math metal, viking metal, blackened Swedish death metal, symphonic black metal, doom/funeral metal, depressive atmospheric black metal, Post-metal, etc., etc. The community like fan-base of metal will always find a way to support these acts, no matter how unappealing it may be to others. And that's one of the reasons (if not just a subconscious mentality) that many people enjoy metal. It can be obscure or straight forward, it can be one guy screaming over a slow repeated guitar riff or a flurry of shredding over top of changing time signatures and tempo shifts, but it will always find a fan base. One style of metal has slowly had it's story told in recent years: Norwegian Black Metal. Technically it could be called 2nd wave Black Metal, but to it's fans it's usually referred to as True Black Metal. This scene includes the corpse paint painted faces of Immortal, Mayhem, Darkthrone, Emperor, and Gorgoroth among many others. To many people it may sound like someone throwing up over top of buzzing overly distorted guitars, but sometimes you have to look a little bit closer with music to get the feeling that is trying to be portrayed when it is played. Norwegian Black Metal may not be pretty or technical or well produced, but it's rich with cultural tradition, and a true love for the music they are playing. These are bands (sometimes of no more than 1 or 2 people) that grew up in the tape trading era where the only way someone in Europe could hear Morbid Angel's new demo was by having a pen pal in Florida trade them for the new Napalm Death LP. And being that Norway is so secluded from the rest of Europe it some what allowed a much different style of music to evolve. Being able to shred up and down on a guitar weren't what was important, neither was making pretty melodies and catchy riffs. Black Metal is about creating an atmosphere, and getting in touch with your inner thoughts. For some it is a cry out against Christianity which pushed Pagan rituals out of Norway. To fight the Christian "God" some Black Metal bands seek Satan to simply be the antagonist. To remember their ancestors some Black Metal bands introduce folk instruments into their songs and sing of viking glory. While others still might just revel in the dark and evil. There are many stories that swirl around Black Metal (murder, Nazism, church burning, etc.), and many of them have been covered in the very well written and acclaimed book The Lords of Chaos. It may not be a genre for everyone, but at the very least one can appreciate the dedication most of the musicians have. One such band is Gorgoroth. Gorgoroth has almost always been followed by controversy. Whether it be getting kicked out of Poland because of happenings during a certain concert, or even more recently when 2 of the members kicked out the only remaining original member who felt entitled to the Gorgoroth name leading to 2 Gorgoroths to exist momentarily. Below I have posted a documentary done about True Norwegian Black Metal in which the interviewers get in touch with Ghaal, the lead singer of Gorgoroth, and try to get some more insight into the band and genres message. It's not the best documentary ever, and it's clear that the guys were only looking for a controversial topic and were not fans of the genre. Not all the questions get answered, and towards the end of the documentary you're likely to get pissed off at the fat ass producer who decided not to bring heavy clothing to fucking Norway of all places and then decides to whine as Ghaal leads the group up to the shack that his grandfather built. I know it sounds like a horror movie plot, but this is a man that generally does not open up to the public at all showing these guys a place that's very special to him, and then the fat ass producer starts crying like a vagina that "they're not there for a nature walk, they are there for an interview". By the end of the documentary it's clear that the group learned almost nothing from Ghaal as they ask what could very well be the dumbest question that could have been asked at that moment and Ghaal goes into some sort of freaky trance. Anyway, watch the videos down below if you're interested in gaining some insight into black metal, or if you just want to watch an interesting anthropological documentary.














Is that fat fucking producer not a bitch or what! And that question at the end. What the fuck was he thinking? The whole time Ghaal's talking about how he wants people to think for themselves and not be sheep and the things that are important to him and his views. Then the retard asks if he's lonely, and then asks Ghaal to lead him better towards a better understanding. Dumbass. I mean, I have no idea what the fuck Ghaal was thinking at the end there, but if the allegations against Ghaal were true, and he really did torture one or two people, who knows what was going through his head. One thing that also threw me off was that they made it seem like Ghaal actually lives there all the time. Bullshit. His band might not be raking in big bucks that'll buy him some fancy house, but I know for damn well he doesn't live there all the time. The dude has his own fucking myspace, my ass he lives alone in the woods with no outlet to the outside world. And yes I'm well aware of the rumors that Ghaal, who somewhat recently decided he wanted to design some clothing, may be a homosexual. I'm not gonna expound upon that. Anyway, I hope you enjoyed the documentary about as much as I did. I wish it was a little bit better done, and maybe done by people who actually like the music, but whatever. Though if I ever see that fat producer guy, I'm gonna kick him in the nuts for being such a dumb bitch.

Oh, and if you want to watch another documentary about metal in general, Metal: A Headbanger's Journey was a good one. It kinda covered all the bases, and even showed off some of the sub-genres. Black metal was covered in it as well and a certain interview with Norwegian Black Metal pioneers, Mayhem, has gone down as one of the best interviews in the history of documentaries. Beer + Angry Black Metal Members = Greatness.

Update

The channel from which I embedded many a Chris-Chan video has been closed. Past blog entries featuring videos of Christian Weston Chandler may be missing, so you won't be able to see them. While this is a sad day for all of us, I'm not gonna let it be a day of more work for me. So if you wanna re-visit the Chris-Chan fiasco, just go to youtube and type in Chris Chan (duh). I'm not entirely sure why the channel got closed unless Chris came through with his promise to call the police on the entire internet. Likely the channel host just violated one to many regulations, and I'm sure they'll be back up with a different channel and a different name, but, for now, no more Chris Chan videos. I guess I gotta move on to something else. Sad indeed.

Megaman: In Real Life

Video games have always had some ridiculous plot holes and questionable happenings. It's just part of the gaming world and usually things you're supposed to look over. Even recent games that strive to be realistic still showcase some moments that make you think "that could never happen in real life". And I'm not talking about the things that really jump out at you like Mario fighting mushrooms and evil turtles, Ryu and Ken shooting fireballs from their palms, or Master Chief being able to take a rocket to the face and only loose his "shield". Take Megaman for example. Can you imagine what kind of engineering ideas went into the construction of Dr. Wily's Castles? Well the folks at "Old Rich People" have. Observe:

Bob Ross. All Day. Everyday.

For those of you who know who Bob Ross is, skip the lesson and just go here.

For those of you, god help your soul, who don't know who Bob Ross is, let me explain. Bob Ross was a PBS icon. That's right, The Public Broadcasting Station. He was an afro donning, paint brush wielding, creator of landscapes in which only solace and happiness could be found. Even if you didn't know how to paint (like 86% of his audience) you would be hypnotized by his brush strokes and soothed by his smooth talking. Bob Ross was a bad ass, and anyone who thinks otherwise deserves to be face rapped by a pack of sloth bears wearing sea urchins for condoms. Now you can go here.

Today's Blog Entry is Brought to You by the Letter S

And S is for Slayer you punk bitch.

America. Fuck Yea.

I don't care who you are, where you are from, what you think, or how you feel. America might not be the best country in the world, but I wouldn't want to live anywhere else.

Fuck you. Fuck yea.